Love in the Time of Color, uh

I really, really appreciate all the congrats and well wishes! Here's how it stands:
I met with the little girl's (J) caseworker, her supervisor, etc. last Wednesday a.m. to get and provide more info. It all seemed good, and we were set to plan a meeting for me with J. I was given 24 hours to decide whether I still wanted to move forward. I told them before I left that I did. I haven't heard a thing since. My adoption worker was to try to get a hold of the caseworker yesterday to try to schedule something. Nothing. So, keep hoping that this moves forward, but at this point I feel a little left in the dark.

But the house is coming along! I still can't find my camera battery charger, so no pics--sorry! The master bedroom, bathroom, office, and hall are all painted - only need to paint the doors. The living room walls are painted & half the molding - still need to paint the ceiling & other half of the molding & front door. Then I need to paint the dining room. And eventually/soon the family room and kids room - whenever the kid gets here and tells me what color they want. I'm thinking I want to put an embossed tin ceiling in the dining room, but that'll run me around $500, so I'll just paint it for now. I also need to install the ceiling fans I have for the office and living room. I took the ceiling fan from my bedroom to good*will today. I'll do the same with the others once I replace them. I also took my sad, old t.v. - a hand-me-down from an ex-beau. I bought my first t.v. last week - a 32" flat panel LCD. Fun! I also put together 3 bookcases & mounted them to the wall. I'm so proud of myself!

1 fish, 2 fish, blond fish, my fish

I'm gonna be a mom. Yes, I said it!! I was selected this morning to parent a 10-year-old girl!

Within the next couple weeks (probably sooner rather than later), I'll have a meeting with the case worker and my adoption specialist to discuss the details of her case, ask questions, etc. Then we'll plan the transition. In most cases, they like to see the transition take place over a couple months.... meet on neutral ground, meet at her current placement, meet at my house, a sleep-over, more meetings and sleep-overs, etc.

I was also told that judges usually want a child to be in a placement for at least 6 months before the adoption proceeds. ...So my hope is that she lives with me full time by Christmas 2008, and is adopted by Christmas 2009.

But now it's time to be both excited and panicked at the prospects of being an instant mom!! I have lived completely alone for the past 10 years and only shared domiciles for a total of 5 of the previous 15 (including married at 21 for 3 years, other roommate situations). And I'm about to share my home and my life with another person. A troubled little person. A little person who will need me. wow.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

It's finally cooling off around here... Low hundreds today. I think upper 90s tomorrow. Yay! Summer's about over.

I STILL haven't found that camera battery charger. But started moving boxes and unpacking more in earnest today. Painted the hallway the same color as the one wall in the bedroom, durango blue. The hall has incredibly 6 doorways and an archway, plus 3.5" molding, so lots of white as well as the blue. It's really lovely and I'm SO happy that's done. Still need to do the ceiling and paint all the doors and molding. Then I'll be head over heels.

I had my quarterly visit with my adoption specialist today. She said that she had great news (and she didn't lie). Apparently she found out this morning that one of the girls I'd been interested in parenting has become available for adoption again. Someone connected with the family (her brother's adoptive mom's mother) was considering her, but it didn't work out. So TOMORROW is the meeting with the caseworker, and only one other family is being considered. My specialist said it looked very good for me. I should know tomorrow by early afternoon!! The girl is 10 and super cute. And I remember that she loves animals and thinks she wants to be a vet. So this houseful would be pretty perfect for her.

Back to the unpacking... where is that charger?!!!

For Want of a Nail

Woo! Sorry. I've been painting and going crazy here. But I can't find my battery charger for my camera. So I can't take any new pics, but here's a few I haven't shared yet. (I guess I coulda not said anything, posted these, and you'd be none the wiser...)

So, here's the "durango blue" accent wall in my bedroom, before I got a picture hung up there in the middle of it...
And here's the opposite wall, with my "boudoir girls" hanging on my "radiant sun" wall. Notice the chic modern ceiling fan that I installed myself (replacing the previous hideous piece of metal and glass).


Hmmm... and here is my dining room slash temporary office while the "real" office has yet to be completed. Painting... baseboard molding. I'm hoping that happens Wednesday night. Then I can get that room put together.


Cuz this is what it looks like right now...

And yes, you can be sure that I have already purchased the replacement ceiling fan/light for this room! Oh, and by the way, the dining room has not yet been painted... at least not by me.

That's enough for now... but I'll leave you with a shot of the back yard. Exciting, I know.


And it's dusk in the picture, so you can't tell what the hell is going on. But in this shot, you see the edge of my patio, a big block of grass, something else (dirt and weeds, if you must know), and in the distance, a concrete block wall with a red (take my word for it) stained wood plank gate. And the tree in the right of the pic, or what you might be mistaking for a large, dark, amorphous blob, is a pecan tree. Yeah, that's right... behind the very large ghost orb. (Does anyone else watch the RotoRooterGhosthunterGuys??) Behind the tree is a decent-sized garden that is already fenced, has water hoses plumbed with the faucets right there in the garden, and has overhead lights that can be switched on for working at night... when it's cool. Or at least cooler. It's 12:30am, and currently 88 degrees F. And you know what the F stands for...

Hopefully I'll find that camera battery charger and be able to get some new pics soon. If anybody knows which box that damn thing got packed into, I'd be so happy if you'd let me know...

Home is where the work is...

The house deal closed on schedule! $450 of my $500 earnest money is in the mail back to me! I spent last night packing and will be painting and packing today and tomorrow. Moving Saturday and Sunday. I'll post pics soon!

the tide is high

It's been crazy here... or maybe it's just me. The house purchase is moving along, still on track to close at the end of this month. I hope. Working out termite treatment issues with the seller. And found out that flood insurance will be an unexpected expense - not the insurance itself, but rather the amount (twice as much as anticipated) and the fact they want the entire year up front! I hadn't budgeted for that.

My mom and niece were here for a week, 8/8-15. Then I returned with them to Seattle for my little sister's 40th birthday. Back home on 8/17. Quick trip! But it was worth it. She had a fabulous party.

I have mounds of work to catch up on, too. I've been so distracted lately. Huh... wonder why...

Best wishes go out to all my friends in Blogland and sincerest apologies for not checking in sooner!!

To root or wing or both

I'm planning on getting some new digs... I'd been thinking about it for some time, and just working at cleaning up my credit as much as possible. Then I found out a friend of mine had gotten his RE license and thought, what the hell. I'll help him get experience, and I'll feel comfortable asking him stupid questions. So I emailed him on 7/22, signed a contract with him on 7/23, and got names of possible mortgage brokers to see what I might prequalify for.

I started looking at listings and so did he, without knowing my price range. I also drove around and found a couple houses to check listings on. Finally, a week later he asked me if I was getting all I needed from the mortgage broker. I had to fess up that I hadn't called yet, but it prompted me to do it. I think I was a little afraid... how's my credit in relation to what I need for the loan I want? how much can I get? will they tell me to take a hike? am I really ready for this? how much will I need for a down payment? (cuz I don't have anything, and I need to know how long I'll have to save) Within 2 hours of the call I made, I was pre-qualified for a loan. I knew my price range. I found out about the loan possibilities (F*H*A) and down payment requirements (3%, payable by seller with Amer*idream thru Oct. 1 when that loophole goes away). So we started shopping in earnest. I found a number of listings I was interested in and sent them all to the realtor. He also suggested a few. We made an appt. to go look at some houses last Saturday, 8/2. We looked at 9 houses. One of them really stuck in my head, so we made an offer the next morning (yesterday). I haven't received a counter offer yet, but heard one would be coming. We'd indicated we want to have something by tomorrow, Tuesday, close of business. We also indicated in the offer that we want to close on 8/27.

SO - I may be a homeowner as early as 3 weeks from now, just 5 weeks from when I contracted my realtor. But I'm not counting my chickens, so to speak. I've had enough disappointment to know not to spend time "dreaming" about possibilities. I am really excited, though, and hoping this works out. And if it doesn't, there are 100 more homes in my price range in this area, so I'll likely be a home owner within the next 2 months, anyway. My wild pups need a back yard to run in! And I'd like to do foster-adopt, and am more inclined to do whatever home improvements, changes, etc. to meet state requirements on a home I own rather than one I rent.

Speaking of adoption--kids, not dogs--the one little girl that was a more recent possibility didn't work out. The case worked didn't consider me. So there's nobody on the horizon for me yet. Still. And I can celebrate my 1 year anniversary for adoption certification on August 18.

Speaking of anniversaries, yesterday marked 23 years since I'd gotten married (we were only together 3 years, then separated for 3 before we divorced). Interesting that it was commemorated by my first offer on my first house. Took me awhile to grow up...

Biko and Thin Lizzy

My new babies goin' at it...

I introduced them to rawhides today. Got me a whole 15 minutes of peace!!



I picked them up Tuesday afternoon rather than Thursday -- they were ready early. I've been exhausted ever since. 9-mo. old Biko doesn't seem to have any concept of outdoor facilities. And turns out Thin Lizzy is only 2 mos. But I've cleaned up and cleaned up and been extremely vigilant. And the potty training has gone better today. Biko peed in his kennel twice earlier, but not on the floor. And he hasn't pooped in the house today. Lizzy hasn't pottied in her kennel or in the house at all today. I know it's not quite 7pm and a lot could happen yet this evening... But compared to the last couple days, they've really been stellar. [Update: Biko made it until 9:40. He'd been outside not 10 minutes prior for 1/2 an hour. He'd peed and pooped. And then came in and peed. Oh, well. Tomorrow's a new day!]

ugh... I just pulled poop off of Lizzy's fur under her arm... that had to be there for at least a day. eww. I can't really bathe them for about a week either. (Sponge baths, but no soaking their sutures...)

And to answer your question, Jen, my friend R and I named them. I named Biko - which was suppose to have been Kobi's name, except my boyfriend at the time didn't like it. Can y'all remember Peter Gabriel's tribute to the antiapartheid leader? R named Lizzy - and several other dogs in the pound that I didn't take home... There was Kajagoogoo, a mop-headed white dog. Tigger, a SERIOUSLY bouncing terrier mix. Thin Lizzy was chewing on the bars of the cage, prompting R to sing "tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak..." Plus she was puppy-puffy, contrary to "thin."

I'll be sooooo happy when we're all potty trained and settling in. The cats aren't thrilled, but they seem to be holding their own. I imagine it will be a pretty happy zoo here pretty soon.

Nothin' a puppy can't fix...

Feelin' better! Started back at the gym. It's cooled down just a bit. Was in Yosemite for work recently... swam in the Wild and Scenic Merced River. Re: adoption, a couple kiddos were presented to me. I've asked that my homestudy be sent for one of them, and I'll hopefully find out if I'll be considered Monday. If so, her caseworker will be deciding who will be her adoptive parent(s) by the end of the week.

I made an appointment with a friend who recently became a real estate agent. We'll have coffee Tuesday morning and discuss some listings, my needs, etc. I SO don't know what I'm doing, but it's a good time to do it now, so... Figured it was time to get some help and get the process started. If I do end up buying a house and I still don't have the right kiddo match, I've planned all along that I would get licensed to do foster care so I can do foster-adopt. I just didn't want to mess with the state licensing while I was renting because there were a few costly things that need repair (not dangerous, just the rules).

I also went to the county animal shelter yesterday and found a couple of furbabies I had to adopt. Pictures below!

Biko, the brindle boxer mix, and...

Thin Lizzy, the jail breakin' retriever mix!

SUCH CUTIES! I get to bring them home on Thursday after their spay/neuter surgeries. Can't wait!!!!!

Got blahs?

Not sure exactly what is up... I mean I can guess at lots of stuff. Losing Kobi. Living in Phx without any family around. It's Summer in Phx. I've been certified to adopt for almost a year, but not matched with any kiddos yet. My car was hit & runned while I was out of town over Memorial Weekend - not super noticeable, but I see it every time I approach the car. Recent surreal occurrence of bullet through ceiling. My sleep schedule is completely f-d up. I've been losing myself in television or computer games or other hand-held games. I've put probably 20 lbs back on since January - 1/2 the weight I lost. It's Summer in Phx. Kobi's gone. And I can't sleep. And money stuff and house stuff and stuff and stuff...

I don't feel depressed per se. Maybe that's the joy of antidepressants. But I haven't been very productive lately. As I said, my sleep schedule has just been OFF. Have been getting about 4-5 hours sleep each night (or early morning) this week. Until last night/this morning. Didn't fall asleep until probably 2. But then slept through my alarm until 11 am. Fortunately I didn't have any appts. But c'mon! You can't just sleep until 11 am on a work day that normally starts at 8 am and feel good about it. At least I can't. "You needed it." "You're lucky you can do that sorta thing..." No, not helpful. Cuz, yeah. And yeah.

So, I'm hoping I can fulfill my commitment to myself to get it turned around this weekend. To not just fill my time with not thinking activities part of the time and sleep the rest of the time. But to plan. And dare to hope.

Bleh. But I'm smiling. I know it'll be fine. Just am sick 'n tired of these blahs.

here's some sunshine:

green patch

If you click on my widget (heehee, she said widget), I get greenbucks (not real money) to help me tend my lil green patch on Face*book.

not much

I am not a good, nor consistent blogger... Guess I should just face the facts and stop feeling bad about it. :)

Nothing exciting (thank goodness) going on. I haven't heard anything more about the boy/girl twins. The case worker for the boy/boy twins is not accepting any more home studies. Frustrating.

My brain cells need a rest. I know... I just got started, but I'm out of blog-shape.

CSI PHX

Wouldn't you know it... The morning after my last post I got a call from my adoption facilitators about a pair of nearly 9-year-old twins (their birthday is today!), a boy and girl. They have had some issues, particularly the boy, but seem to have come a long way in the past year. I have requested my homestudy be sent to their caseworker. There's also ANOTHER set of twins, 9 and both boys, that I've requested more information about. We'll see what happens...

My mom and maybe oldest niece (10) plan to come for a visit which will be fun! -- maybe July. It should be good and muggy for 'em.

Can't believe I'm having difficulty keeping my eyes open this morning. Almost 11 am, although I did get up by 7 to go out to breakfast at Matt's. Rode my bike. Worked on my farmer's tan, but didn't go to the farmer's market...

I'll leave you with shots of the shot that turned my home into a crime scene and me into a detective for the evening last Tuesday. What I encountered...




The bullet was still warm, although it was a hot evening and everything was warm... I could see sheetrock marks on the bullet, and a few pieces of plaster on the floor. My house is falling apart, but this seemed new. Though not a weapons expert, I could tell the copper bullet was a larger caliber (if it was indeed a bullet and not just something else within my house that was falling apart...). With all of my sleuthing, though, I couldn't find the freakin' bullet hole. But the cops, with likely a bit more practice, were able to locate the entry hole. I'd looked all over the ceiling in the living room, but it didn't dawn on me to check the ceiling in the dining room, although I did check for broken windows or a hole in the walls, of which there were none. I haven't followed up to find out if they ever figured out precisely from where the bullet left the gun, although I do have a case number. So much for sleuthing.

It's Raining Bullets

Okay, so I'm just sitting down, ready to blog for the first time in almost 3 weeks, and "CRASH"! What the hell?? So I go look in the living room where it sounded like the crash had come from. I'd thought 1) a new set of photos/frames of my nieces fell off the fireplace mantle, or 2) the metal fireplace screen fell over... Nope everything in its place.

But what's this? A large caliber copper bullet? WTF?? I can't figure out where it came in... I call the cops. They discover that it came in through the dining room roof/ceiling. There's a little plaster in the living room, which I'd seen, and a divot in the floor, which I'd missed. Oh, besides the hole in the ceiling. Likely from shots fired a couple miles from here! The landlord's gonna have to patch the roof before the monsoon storms start...

It's oh so quiet here without the Kobester. And I was a big huge mess for the first week, but it gets better every day. I miss him so much... But the cats are getting lots more pets and brushing. I was going to wait to get a dog until I could pick it out with a kiddo, but that's goin' no where fast. I'll probably get a dog when I get back from a training/retreat at Yosemite in July. I agreed to foster a pit bull if nobody else will do it in a few days. Hopefully they'll find it a good home soon. I can't get attached because I don't think the adoption/agency folks will take too kindly to it.

On the kiddo front, the little girl that I was being considered for had a family member step forward (finally!) to take her. She's been in the system for like 6 years. I don't know if the family member will get approved, but in the meantime, there're no matches for me. Hard to believe this takes so long when there're 9000 kids in foster care in AZ!

Nearly forgot, same day I lost Kobi, I was walkin' around in a fog and stepped wrong off a curb and twisted both ankles/feet. I know! I was taking care of my friend's dog while she was out of town, and was walking the dog and a bowl of her food to my car - I was going to take her home with me. But got to the curb to the rear of my car and I fell down. Both ankles gave out and I was immediately on my knees (see Jen? we could be related...). My right ankle hurt so bad, I thought I'd broken it. I finally got up and hopped to the car door and opened it to get my phone which was still in the car. The dog jumped in - she was ready to go. But I wasn't goin' nowhere. I ended up flagging down a neighbor and asking him to take the dog back in my friend's house. Then some other neighbors got home and they helped me back into the house and got me ice. Yet another neighbor helped me by walking the dog and taking me to see the orthopedic surgeon she works for the next day. I wore an air-cast for a few days, until the discomfort of the heat rash was worse than the ankle pain. I'd apparently torn the ligaments in the outside of my right ankle and stressed some tendons in the top of my left foot. Or something like that... It's much better now though. I decided maybe Kobi was still looking out for me by giving me something else to think about and to concentrate on taking care of myself. It sure worked for the first 24 hours...

Best Dog Ever

My best friend passed away this morning. We had almost 11 years together. He was the very BEST DOG EVER, and I will miss him like crazy.

This is going to be hard… He was a few months shy of 11. We beat “bloat” and an oral sarcoma. But seems he likely had cancer in his spleen that was bleeding into his abdomen. The prognosis wasn’t at all promising. But he was such a good boy – he stopped breathing as the doc was telling me the options. He didn’t make me choose. He didn't die while I was out of town over the weekend. He didn’t die at a “strange” clinic, and he didn’t die at home, where it would have been nearly impossible for me to move him at 107 lbs. of literally dead weight. He waited 'til he got to his oncologist’s office, and waited for me to join him in the room. He had people around him that loved him, including the doc’s office manager, also named Kobi.(!) It was the best possible scenario given the circumstances. SUCH a good dog. SO MANY happy memories.

goodbye, my lovely boy

Ups, downs and long roads home

Went to visit the fam-damily for a long Memorial Weekend. Saw some cousins I haven't seen in almost a decade. They have 3 beautiful little boys, ages 3-9. Folks, sister, 2 nieces and myself rented a mini-van and drove from Seattle to central Oregon. Some 6 plus hours, and/but my adorable 3 and 10-year-old nieces were terrific. Mimi (3) didn't cry even once during the drive, and Lex (10) was completely good, quiet and reasonable - didn't complain about boredom or nothin'. We stayed at a Sup*er*8 for a couple nights and swam in the eyes - are - burning - from - the - over - chlorinated - pool and ate out of the is - that - all - they - have - vending - machine and the they're - out - of - everything - beverage - machine... But it was Memorial Weekend, and the small town we were in was hosting a youth baseball tournament. Every place we went--the pool, the pizza place down the street--were packed with kiddos and out of everything. Quarters for the kid room at the pizza parlor went suddenly extinct... the quarter machine went belly up and the cashiers were out as well. Let the begging commence! All in all, though, it was a great time.

Oh, pictures... you want pictures? Yeah, me, too. But I forgot my camera. I did get a couple of copies of the portraits they just had done at Sears, so I'll scan and post those in a few days. SUCH beautiful girls.

Haven't heard anything much on the adoption front in the last couple weeks, but I understand that I will be considered for a little girl that is available. She's 10. And beautiful. And precocious. Not all fun and games, though. There are some issues that will need work. I should know in a couple weeks or less if I'll be chosen to parent her. And still have my homestudy out for a couple other placements. The difficult two-some mentioned in a previous post (involving poo on walls) are not available, so I don't have to contemplate that further. I'll post any new news as it comes! And I'll try not to be so sporadic in my posts. (And in response to a previous query as to my considering foster-adopt, I have considered it, and the group I'm working with on the adoption nearly requires it, but it's not a good choice for me at this moment. I may move in that direction in six months, a year, or two years... we'll see.)

Finally, my Kobi-dog doesn't seem to be doing very well. We go in tomorrow for a regular oncology check-up, but that's not the issue - I don't think. He's bloated (but it's not "bloat"), lethargic and his appetite is way down. He seemed pretty punk when I was leaving town last Thursday, but I thought maybe it was just because he knew I was going. Except that his tummy seemed a little full, and he didn't quite finish his food - which was odd. He stayed with a friend, and I checked in with her. He didn't get any worse, and was actually eating and was somewhat chipper. But when I got home last night, I could tell in about two minutes that he was absolutely not okay. I checked in with his regular vet, and they couldn't take him. I called to see if we could move up his check-up scheduled for tomorrow, but couldn't do that either. The doc said, though, to take him off his herbs and give him some pep*cid*ac. I also fed him a chicken breast and brown rice mixed with some baby food of similar content. And he's been drinking water fine. And hasn't been throwing up or anything. So... Hopefully, it's nothin' big and we can go on enjoying a couple more years. Even if we're livin' on borrowed time as it is. My boy...

QUICK catch up *updated*

Nothing to report kid-wise. Not a word. Not a nibble. Na-da. Just super busy with work. My bff has been working on screenplays and documentary narration writing, etc. We shot a music video Saturday that was months in the planning. It's just a fan video that will go on YouTube. I'll post it when it's completed if I'm not too embarrassed... :) I've already decided that because of my work... and because of google... I will not have my name listed in the credits for the video. That's not out of embarrassment, but rather just trying to maintain my professional env*iron*mental advocate status. Anywhoo, I'm looking forward to a short vacation and getting to see my nieces over Memorial Weekend! But now, I gotta get back to work.

UDPATE: Well, wouldn't you know it about two hours after posting I got a call from my adoption worker with 3 possible placements, including one group of 2 siblings. But wow... these kiddos are all really messed up. Of the sibling group, the 5-year-old boy has loud outbursts and meltdowns and wipes feces on the wall. Not sure if the shit-thing was a one-timer or if that's a consistent behavior. The 4-year-old girl also has temper tantrums. Don't know many kids who don't. And I'd hope that with intensive therapy over time, these kids would do better. Also a 6-year-old boy that was termed "emotionally disabled"... which frankly scared me a bit. I passed on him. The third was a soon to be 8-year-old boy who throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get what he wants. He was exposed to alcohol and cocaine in the womb, has ADHD and impulse control problems, and has terrible eating habits (likes junk - won't eat healthy food). I'm suppose to get more info soon so that I can decide whether or not I want to be considered for any of these kiddos. (right now I'm just shaking my head - not as in "no," but rather "wtf am I getting myself into?")

Happy Earth Day!

Ari*zona's Fos*sil Cre*ek... this picture was taken in November 2007 with my camera phone during the re*patria*tion of en*dangered na*tive fi*shies to this re*stored stream. A day I'll never forget!

Two and two, bottom of the 5th

Two strikes...

First, Re: adoption - I found out today that the psychologist for the little girl has recommended that the girl and her foster mom participate in 4 to 6 months of family therapy. I agree that all should be done to preserve the bond they've established, unless the foster mom just isn't committed. So I'm back in the active pool of potential adoptive parents. And grieving the loss of another little kiddo that won't be mine.

Second, Re: guy that gave me his number last week - I called him. And we talked over the course of a couple days. I started to feel kind of excited about him. We made plans. But the more we talked, the more I could tell it wasn't going to work for me. He was very aggressive. And manipulative. Believe it or not, I could pretty well figure out that dating him would be a miserable experience. So we canceled our plans and wished each other well. That was yesterday...

So at this point, I'm going to bed early. It was a rough couple of days. But I'll catch up with my blogger buddies first. And see if I can't check the lottery #s drawn today. SOMETHING good has to happen, right?

this, that and the other update

The wait is grueling!

The little girl I may be adopting was the subject of a hearing last Thursday wherein the judge did not make any decision about her placement, at least in part because the psych-eval she was suppose to undergo did not happen prior to the hearing. It's scheduled instead for next Tuesday. Then, apparently, it takes a couple weeks for the eval to make its way to the judge. The judge may then decide... or he may schedule another hearing... or the caseworker may have to petition for removal of the child from her current placement... or ?

So I'm probably looking at another month. When I was told initially that I'd know last Thursday. Okay, at least I know I'm not alone. The wait and changes and delays are pretty normal.

Otherwise, things are okay. Except that I can't schedule anything because I don't know what's going on... I've had to family members, an aunt and a grandfather, pass away in the last two months. A family gathering is planned in honor of my aunt during Memorial weekend. The family gathering in honor of Granddad is scheduled for the first week in August. Both are in the NW around Bend. I need to buy plane tickets for two separate trips, except that I don't know if I'll have a child and whether or not that child can travel with me out of state... I obviously need to spend some time talking to my adoption worker to clarify my options and whether or not I, as an adoptive parent, qualify for respite care if it's too early or unaffordable for two airline tickets for what will be at least 3 trips to the NW this year - because we have to go at Christmas (if there is a "we," of course).

And what I sorta rambled over was the fact that two of my family members died this year... Aunt Jo was in poor health for awhile, but too young. Only 6 years older than my mother who is 65. But my aunt did not trust doctors or people in general, so did not get preventive care or address what was likely stomach cancer. She had been a wonderfully sweet woman as I was growing up. At some points she was a stay-at-home mom, unlike my own, and I loved going to stay with her and my two cousins in the summer. She gave me the attention I craved. But she was also a bit mentally unstable. Which came to a head by the time I and my cousins were in high school, shortly before her husband left her. The rest of her life - the last 20-some years - had been pretty miserable. I'm certain the peace she now has is a blessing.

My granddad was sufficiently old (is there such a thing?) - about 92. He fell and broke his hip. Then they found a blood clot in his lungs. They decided not to do surgery, and it was a matter of a couple days before he passed away. My folks were able to see him, comfort him, and tell him that we all loved him. I really wanted to fly up, but the expense... and we really didn't know if he'd be gone within hours or days. He was pretty incoherent after the first 24 hours. I take comfort that I did visit him and my aunt at Christmas, as well as my last surviving grandparent - Grandma Starr - who is 98! She has pretty severe dementia and broke her hip just before that as well - though they did succeed at surgery, she's pretty difficult to rehab. She's the energizer bunny, the dear. But I miss her - how she was. How very much she loved me. Which was loads and loads... I'm so lucky! Now, though, she barely remembers me most of the time.

Would you believe that I have not run a single time since I ran the marathon? Not even at the gym. I use the elliptical trainer, lift weights. But am gaining weight because I eat like I did when I was running 30-50 miles/week. And I didn't go to the gym all last week... My workout buddy and bff is "recovering" from a tattoo and was told not to work out for a week. And cuz I just can't get myself there on my own... I should go today. a-hem...

And I got asked out last week by a random guy at the supermarket! I haven't called him yet, but I may. He seemed cool enough. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. I bet he thinks I'll never call since he gave me his # last Wednesday. :) I jus' don't wanna upset my little apple cart. I'm completely fine alone. But I guess we could meet for coffee...