gains and losses

A potentially good piece of news! The boys' adoption agency requested I send them my homestudy (or rather have my agency send it). So apparently they will consider me, I'm just not sure how seriously. It sounded as though I may have some competition as the woman at their agency said they had several homestudies to go through and they just haven't had time... Okay. Their agency hasn't been very pleasant to deal with up to this point. We'll see if it turns around.

On the bummer side, I fell when running this morning and scraped the shit out of my palms, banged up my knees and torqued my back... I'm suppose to run 10 miles in the morning. We'll see about that, too. (I have a picture of my left palm, which is the worst of my wounds... I could post it, but wouldn't want to alienate you, dear readers and super-supporters. So you'll have to click here to see it.)

If I haven't announced it already, I've lost 10# since I started NS on 7/17. Woohoo!!

So hoping the dream bubble don't pop...

I'm feeling a bit antsy... I still haven't heard from my adoption specialist whether she's made contact with the boys' caseworker. Finally, yesterday, I went ahead and emailed the caseworker listed on their profile (I know it's the wrong guy, but he should forward it, right?) as well as the contact person for the agency. I finally figured out (I'm registered on the Adopt US Kids website, so now I can find out more info about the kiddos and send inquiries to their case workers) that the boys are in or near Tucson as that's where the agency is that's handling their adoption. And now it's been 24 hours and no reply. I cc'd my adoption specialist on the email. She hasn't sent me a note or called either.

And this all has me facing the very real prospect that maybe I won't be able to adopt Brandon and Cordell. The "powers-that-be" might rather hold out for a "couple" than place them with me. That these two adorable little faces that have become a part of my daily thoughts might have to exit my memory. And that feels like a major loss.

You see they have really captured my imagination--more so than the infant for which I was TTC. I had faces and names, races and genders and ages for these two guys. I certainly didn't know that much about the baby that never formed in my womb. And because I adored them on sight, even though I knew there was a possibility that they would never be mine, they became the official stand-ins for "my kids." When I think about rides to school or the museum or chasing around the park, it's with Brandon and Cordell. When I think of going to Ikea and picking out bedroom furniture of their very own, I think of going with Brandon and Cordell. When I think of introducing my kiddos to my family and my friends, the kiddos are Brandon and Cordell. And it really, really hurts to think that my kiddos may not be them. And I have to open myself up for some other kids. Kids that right now, to me, don't have faces or names or genders or ages... just ranges and possibilities.

Bleh... it stinks.

I KNOW! I totally set myself up. And I said I wasn't going to do that. But as the weeks and months wore on (I saw their picture at the end of March or beginning of April), I've sorta slipped. But you know I'll muddle through, whatever. I just wish that dream, the one with Brandon and Cordell, would come true.

NS = MRE

mmmm... sitting here enjoying another delicious NS meal... They're essentially MREs. Getting up at 4 a.m. to run, I feel like I'm in bootcamp! (ha... I wouldn't last two days)

Nothing new here, really. Still waiting to find out about the kiddos. I did stress to my adoption specialist that I'm fairly desperate to find out. I do know that my homestudy has been submitted to the courts as of last Friday. I'll be entered into the central registry as ready to adopt so social workers throughout the state will have access to my info. I've also registered with Adopt US Kids, a national network.

I'm so boring!! At least life is fairly uneventful at the moment... unlike some people's (Michell). Cheers to all!!

Faster off foot than on...

Guess I'm on a once a week posting schedule... Hey! I have hardly any news for y'all. I'm still waiting to find out if the kiddos' caseworker will consider a single mom for them. When the presumed caseworker returned from vacation and caught up on his email and voicemail, found out he's no longer the caseworker. My adoption specialist is now trying to contact the new caseworker, whose voicemail has been full and whose email she doesn't have. My a.s. is also in the midst of an office move and so didn't respond to my emails today. But as far as I know, my paperwork has been submitted to the courts and I should be certified to adopt within a month.

It's currently thundering here and my big, bad Kobi is laying as close to underneath me as he can get. He hates the booms and roars. Poor sweetums.

I jogged 8 miles Sunday morning as part of my marathon training. It was grueling, I was slowwwww and really stiff, and I'm sore today. It's the furthest I've ever run (or "walked with a bounce"). Felt good to do it, but I was prompted to buy new shoes afterwards. I've been leaning in that direction, but my feet and legs were SO tired...

This weekend I also did a clean-up at a really great riparian area northeast of town that is being restored after 100 years of dam operation that left the stream corridor nearly dry most of the year. Conservation groups got the dam "removed" and now the place is just thriving. But it's also being loved to death by thousands more recreationists. We picked up a ton of crap: litter, car parts, and quite literally CRAP! It was really hard work, but very productive. Now if we could just figure out how to get the idiots to cart their shit out of the forest... "LEAVE NO TRACE" Live by it (when it comes to public lands--not your life).

The diet is going well enough. I do feel hungry a lot of times, but it's more because I'm not eating as much as I should. I've lost 5-6 lbs. so far. Also, because I'm feeling more fit, I get really surprised when I take my shirt off and see my belly rolls... I "feel" like I should be thinner than that! I know it takes time, but I wish it would hurry the hell up. And I'm looking forward to training in new shoes in the morning. Hope I'm faster than I was this weekend!!!

Me and My Arrow

Can't believe I've been so absent lately! With so much going on! Maybe that's why...

I still don't know whether "the boys" caseworker will consider me, a single parent, for their adoption. I'm hoping to know by midweek.

I graduated from the PS-MAPP training for adoption/foster care last week. And I have all of my paperwork in for adoption certification. I should be certified sometime between Sept 1 and Oct 1.

I'm still marathon training and did 6 miles on Saturday. Weekends are my long runs, gradually easing up to two 20-mile runs in October. Next weekend will be 8 miles. Eek! I don't think I've ever done more than a 10K (6.2 miles) in my life!

I saw Sicko last weekend, finally. I'm about to go into an anti-war rant, which was not what the film was about... so anywho, if you'd like to sign a petition that asks senators and representatives to vote for free health care for uninsured children, click here.

Finally, I've started *N*u*t*r*i*S*y*s*t*e*m*s*... a couple days into it. Found I was just having a hell of a time getting back into the swing of portion control and healthy eating. I wouldn't say that this is exactly healthy eating with everything being pre-packaged, except for the fruit, vegetables and dairy/protein that you have to supplement. But it is a great guide for portion control and balanced nutrition. And so far I've only hated the reconstituted scrambled eggs. Everything else has at least been decent, and I really liked the pasta primavera I had for dinner last night. SO - only 44 pounds to lose... Currently 219, goal 175.

Alrighty - I'd better get back to work! ...right after I check out what my blogger pals have been up to... :)

P.S. in last week's final PS-MAPP class, we were introduced to two kiddos that were in need of adoptive families. One of the two boys, aged 11, was named Arrow. I immediately broke into Harry Nilsson... Not sure my classmates were familiar with the reference. Oh, well....

Moving right along

Only one more week of class!! Tuesday is graduation. I have nearly everything turned in... waiting for a copy of my 1991 divorce decree to arrive from Columbia County, Oregon, and Kobi's dog license to arrive from Maricopa County, Arizona. We're rather spread out...

The little boys who have captured my heart and imagination are still available, but I found out Friday that their file says a preferred home would be two parent. My adoption specialist will talk to their case worker and see if she'll consider me despite the preference. Hopefully I'll know early next week. And HOPEFULLY she'll say yes!

The adoption agency recently told me that they want me to get my foster license as well, which they will put on hold, just in case the "right kids" come along that are not completely legally free but nearly so. If I am not licensed, I won't be considered. I think there are plenty of children that are legally free needing homes, so if I won't be considered for "my boys" (new pixies by the way), I'm sure other little ones will be right. I did start getting all the foster paperwork done as well, so if I change my mind in the next couple months, all I'll need to do is get the home inspection.

I had my homestudy visit last Tuesday. I was surprisingly nervous for it, and didn't even know it until it was over. I was grumpy as hell for two days, but as soon as it was over--and it was a breeze--I was happy, happy, happy!

The marathon training is going really well. Despite the fact that my doctor told me not to run a marathon. He said a half was okay, but not the full. No, nothing wrong with me... he just thinks that everyone who runs a marathon has bad knees and ankles and joints and problems and it's not worth it. He can't understand why anyone would want to run a marathon in the first place. I told him thanks for the advice, but I might not follow it. This is something I've always wanted to do (well, for at least the last 20 years), and it's going to happen.

Back to adoption/foster class homework... one last assignment. Total. That's it. Woohoo!!!

(Don't) Walk Away

Did I mention that I blew off my 25th high school reunion and went to a John Doe concert instead? It was fabulous. And considering I had a dream the night before the reunion that the organizer wanted to kill me (and indeed tried in my dream)... I figured out that I really didn't want to go to the reunion. And I REALLY wanted to go see John. (I'm in love with him, btw.)

So in honor of a great vacation - a terrific concert! - L.A. - and missed high school reunions, I bring you John... Off his new album, A Year in the Wilderness (and yes, I have the t-shirt!): Golden State, w/ Cindy Wasserman of Dead Rock West

...I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance...

I'm back!! Actually was back almost a week ago, but SO FAR BEHIND with work and all. Then drove to L.A. with a friend to see Cyndi Lauper, Deborah Harry, Margaret Cho, Rosie O'Donnell, Dresden Dolls, and many, many happy people Saturday night. It was a great time. And then yesterday afternoon we hooked up with a friend of my friend's who is a comic and then some, and SHE found out she was having BBQ with Cyndi last night! Asked her to please verify Cyndi's haircolor for me... I'm guessing a light lilac.

Took Kobi on both my vacation and the L.A. roadtrip. He was such a good boy. Except now I know for sure, under no uncertain terms, if that dog wants in, he'll find a way in. While I was at the concert, the friends we stayed with went out to a BBQ (apparently a lot of that BBQ thing happenin' in L.A.). I got back before they did and went looking for my boy. Not in the yard. What? Maybe they decided to leave him in the house? Not in the house. I called and called, beginning that internal panic. But I thought I heard somethin' around the corner of the house. Looked, called again... Heard something. Looked AT the house and noticed a broken blind hanging out under a screen and a partially open window. The dog broke into the house. He was in a little storage room off the bedroom. The glass french doors were held closed by a wooden spoon, so he was confined. And he was fine. Luckily the blinds were old, the screens were already partly trashed, and he didn't pee on the guy's cigar humidor or anything...

I have many tales from my adventures, but I'll maybe parse them out. One big cool thing is that my sister and I decided to run (cuz you can't say "jog") the Seattle marathon later this year! I'm officially in training. Have had to do a couple of 5 mile jog/walk/jogs, and Saturday is my first 6-miler. Pretty exciting. And a great way to get in shape. No excuses. I've got a goal and a training schedule and that's all there is to it.

Tomorrow is class number eight of ten of my foster/adopt required coursework. ALREADY!! I can't believe how fast it's going. In two to four months I'll be certified to adopt a child (or two). Did just find out last week that they've decided I have to also get licensed for foster care in case a child(ren) becomes available that is a great fit for me but whose parents' rights have not yet been completely severed. I'm still hoping for "my boys," but am open to whatever makes the most sense.

I guess I'll leave it there for now. I have to get up early to beat the freakin' heat and jog 3 miles tomorrow. I've missed everyone!!

Can we say "vacation"?

Yep, that's me. Leaving on a jet plane at 6:30am... Two weeks. I will take my computer. And unfortunately, I do have some work to do (just couldn't get it all done!). But mostly hoping to have a blast with family and friends. I'll check in when I can and see how all my lovely blog buddies are doing.

xoxo

Are we there yet?

Absolutely pathetic. No, not you... me. I have days where I can't for the life of me get into the swing of work. Even after having written an article about a campaign being in full swing... it is. Me, not so much. So here I am, procrastinating again.

Mainly I'm posting to my blog because I get lonely when I don't get new comments. No offense to the commentators of my last feeble post... But there wasn't much to say, was there. I gotta say, though, Cheryl, you're about tied with Meg for mainstream queen geeks. Cuz of course y'all are too cool to be regular geeks. And any score over 70-75 I think crowns you as geek royalty.

Okay, well since I'm posting anyway, I'll give a quick update on what's going on adoption-wise. I've made it through week 4 of the 10-week course. I've turned in all of my paperwork except that silly divorce decree I have yet to find or order. I attended a generically titled "Support Group" for foster/adoption last night. We have to attend two before we can be certified - thought I'd get a jump on it. Pretty interesting. One gal was a single mom to three children plus four foster children = SEVEN. Single mom, seven kids. AND she looked sane. Happy even. There was also a couple there that foster infants (FOSTER ONLY, no adoption & INFANTS ONLY - they were adamant). They've fostered 20 infants in two years of being foster parents. They currently have two little girl babies - one a meth baby, the other a crack cocaine and fetal alcohol syndrome baby. And they're content just to love 'em and give 'em back. There were also a couple "therapeutic foster care" folks there. They deal with the toughest cases - the least well-adjusted - and try to get them to a point where they can live in regular foster care or be adopted. THAT would be a tough job. One of the families was a single woman who seemed exceptionally patient and sweet. The other was a couple who seemed a little less able to deal -- they mentioned twin girls they couldn't handle and passed on as well as a little boy they couldn't deal with. Their current little guy has threatened to wreck his room, which the mom replied, "Go ahead. I'll call the cops." Sounds like great parenting to me! Yeah...

Now I don't think I'll go for seven kids, but I'm still thinking siblings would be great, and maybe a baby down the road. I'm ready to help now, though, get some kid(s) out of the system and on the road to healing.

'nuff for now. I've got to settle my ass down and get something done. I go on a two week vacation starting next Wednesday, and need to get a few things in order. OH - before I go, special big hug to Val!!!

And, all, feel free to post more than one comment so I feel especially loved this week!! :)

Not too

Imagine

I screwed up and actually had a glorious weekend away from my computer! And have been paying for it ever since. I procrastinated on some comments I need to write to a state wildlife agency - due TOMORROW - so I should be working now (9:15pm). But I've barely been keeping up on my blog roll and haven't posted in a week, so thought I would procrastinate on my work just a little more and post on my blog.

Had another adoption/foster class last night - Week 3 of 10. Good stuff. "Becoming Loss Experts" was sorta the theme. Knowing that all kids in the system have suffered some sort of situational loss and have likely not adequately grieved that loss, we ran through some of the paces on how to understand and address the behaviors that accompany the emotions. Wooo! Sounds like it could be quite a rollercoaster! And then there's fetal alcohol syndrome - another crazy ride. Not sure I'd go that route - I'm patient, but not saintly.

In the meantime, besides the work I'm not doing, I'm getting ready for my two week vacation in mid to late June. Will be headed to the NW. And then when I get back, my bestest girlfriend, R, and I will be taking a road trip to LA to go see the True Colors tour at the Greek Theater. We're staying with a friend I met on the internet several years ago... it was a dating site. He and I never dated, but became good long-distance friends. We've met up a couple times when he's been in Phx or I've been in LA. I get to meet his wife of a couple years for the first time! She agreed to let my friend and I stay there. AND they'll babysit Kobi, who will take the roadtrip with us, when R & I go to the concert. R's dog, who gets car sick, will stay at her ex-husband's. Okay, I'm rambling at this point... But we're very excited to take a road trip! And we've moved on to planning a trip to Iceland to see the Imagine Peace Tower, with a stop in Greenland. Extremely cool. Could be a couple years before we get the money together, but the Tower will be a permanent exhibition, from what I gather.

From Yoko's website (linked above):

The Japan Times (October 2006)

"Imagine Peace Tower, as planned by the 73-year-old artist, will be 20 to 30 meters high with a radius of about a meter, and will have the lyrics of Lennon's song "Imagine" engraved on it once completed by his 67th birthday next year. The illuminated column, constructed over a base with a radius of about 10 meters, will be filled with messages of wishes and hopes from more than 900,000 people that have been collected so far.

A special mailbox for the monument will be set up in the city to continue accepting more letters to go into the monument."

And that mailbox address where you can send YOUR wishes and hopes:

Send your wishes to IMAGINE PEACE TOWER:

PO Box 1009
121 Reykjavík
Iceland

Hopefully the kiddos won't mind spending a couple weeks at Grammy & Papa's (unless I can pull the extra $ together for their plane tickets - and yes, I really want to adopt siblings - instant family!).

Save Darfur

Please send a letter to President Bush. Click on the link or copy and paste: http://ga6.org/campaign/where_is_planb

You Can't Hurry Love

I KNOW! I'm posting again! And already!! But another mini-milestone. I met with the lady at the adoption agency today, dropped off my references and picked up my paperwork. She caught me up on the work that was assigned last Tuesday. I have LOTS of writing to do this weekend, as well as looking up my address from 9 years ago and locating my divorce decree. I also have to clean house and make it look like a kiddo or two might fit in here. She's gonna come by on Tuesday and verify my address and take a little look-see.

At today's appointment, I also asked her about the timeline to give me an idea of what we're talking about here. I'm already a week into 10 weeks of classes which will be over July 17. They'll have the home studies completed by August 4, submitted to the Commission by September 4, and signed by October 4 (if not sooner). !! At that point I'll go on the adoption registry as a certified potential parent and we'll see who they match me up with or who's available for me to be considered for. Although I want whatever is best for "my boys," I can't help but hope they're available for me to mother when I get certified. (And I'll try to make that the last time I refer to them until something is known on that front.)

After my appointment, I went straight to the location where I needed to get fingerprinted - two sets. Filled out the paperwork and got inked up. I also made an appointment with my doctor to have him fill out the medical form I need to submit, and also to refer me to another doc for a round of steroid epidurals in my neck. I've got some tissue between a couple of my vertebrae that gets inflamed and causes my right hand to go numb. It happened a couple years ago, but was completely better after three of the shots. I hoped it would go away forever, but no such luck. Maybe one epidural will work this time? We'll see.

I have special assignments, too, in this paperwork. Like I have to write a letter to the child(ren) about my home, activities, pets, life, their room, etc. to help them get to know me and what it's like "here." I also have to write a letter to the birth parent(s) to let them know I'll provide a safe and happy place for their little one(s). A photo album/scrap book is also required (or at least STRONGLY recommended) - the more warm and expressive and lively the better. This is to give the caseworkers, commissioners, etc. an idea about who I am and what kind of mother I will be. (If anybody has any great or clever ideas about how I might go about that, please let me know!) Seems exceedingly ODD that I had a dream last night that a lady gave me some materials as a thank you to put in "my scrapbook." I didn't know anything about this part of the adoption process until today.

So this weekend it's all about the paperwork and housework. And I really could be a mom by the end of the year! Amazing.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I spoke to the Department of Economic Security about "my boys" yesterday, and yes, they're still available. Of course they won't HOLD them for me, but at least I know their current status. The adoption agency called me today AND the gal is going to work with me to make up a missed class and catch me up on paperwork (the classes started last Tuesday), and allow me to make up one other class I'll miss when I'm on vacation. The alternative was to wait until July 24 to start the 10-week series of classes required for adoption certification. I'm going in tomorrow morning to pick up my paperwork and give her my five references. Then in the next week or two, she'll come to my house for a preliminary check. I also have to go get finger prints (two sets) next week. WOW! and HOLY SHIT!!

I know, it seemed like just Tuesday I wasn't sure what I was doing. Now, just two days later, I'm planning to start (or am already a week into) the process of becoming certified to adopt. Of course now that I'm more seriously considering, and even working toward, adopting two "older" children, the questions and comments are starting...

"Are you sure you want to adopt an older child?"
"Two boys??"
"You know they're going to have lots of problems, right?"
"I thought you wanted a baby."
"Are you sure you don't want to wait for a baby?"
"That'll be a big change..."

You're telling me.

I really do feel compelled to do exactly what I'm doing. AND, as another friend said, "You're still young! You can easily adopt a baby in a few years!" She's so sweet.

I can't tell you how excited I am. And, yes, terrified. But mostly excited!

Hello, Dolly!

What I know now that I didn't know yesterday morning... (sorry, this leaves out all the stuff I already DID know)

1) It's highly unlikely that I'll be able to adopt an infant out of foster care. (I thought that they placed likely adoptable infants with families that want to adopt, but was told that the goal is ALWAYS to return the child to the parents and they don't even consider possible adoption status when placing.)

2) Foster parents in Arizona require a license. There are something like four or five levels of licensure and requires relicensing annually. Adoptive parents require certification which is good for 18 months.

3) In addition to the home study, which can be 2 to 6 visits, my home also has to have the sign-off by the health department. --Oh, shit! I wonder if my landlord will address the dryer vent, put in a carbon monoxide monitor, unstick the windows so there's a second exit... I should start my list now - it will take him months to make this place livable...

4) Foster parents have a huge list of support for them and the children: a respite program, child medical & dental insurance, child care assistance, support groups, 24-hour helpline, education and consultation services, foster parent liability insurance, WIC & free school lunches, financial allowances for room & board, clothing, diapers and formula, graduation expenses, education expenses, summer school tuition and fees, summer day camp and residential camp, and a personal monthly allowance for the child.

5) Adoptive parents also have some benefits such as the respite program (basically a special emergency babysitting gig), special services subsidy, reimbursement for non-recurring expenses related to adoption finalization, maintenance subsidy, support groups and ongoing education. I "think" that there can also be some additional subsidy for special needs kids.

6) Certification for adoption can cost around a grand, but the state may reimburse the fee if a "special needs" child is adopted.

7) "Special needs" means: age 6 or older, children of color, sibling groups of three or more, has physical/mental/emotional disabilities, or has a high risk for physical/mental/emotional disabilities.

I'm sure there are more things I learned, but I'm getting a little tired. I went to see Harry Connick Jr. tonight - his New Orleans tour, "oh, my nola." And it was great! What a cutie - and so funny! Yeah, it was good. (Although he seemed to start off a little rough... I was thinking he was hung-over. But maybe it was just the heat.)

I put a call in to DES (Department of Economic Security, the agency in Arizona that has legal custody of children whose parents' rights have been terminated) to find out if "my boys" are still available and how to work towards adopting them. (This is not a commitment yet as I haven't even talked to them yet.) I also left a message at an agency that is centrally located, single-friendly and secular. Hopefully I'll know even more tomorrow!

Finally, I gotta tell you about my dining experience tonight pre-Harry concert. Went to a restaurant I've been to three or four times. Nice place. Good food (usually). Instead of the thin crust pizza, I got the "pesto salad," which supposedly came with roasted potatoes. They brought my friend and I two identical salads - mixed greens. I told them I'd ordered the pesto salad. It comes. I try a bite of potato, since that's the thing that's different about our salads that I paid an extra buck for... Uck! It tasted like 4-day-old french fry. Dried out, flavorless, just UCK! So I asked my friend to try one - I didn't trust myself. She agreed it was horrible. The waiter came by and asked us how everything was, but he didn't make eye-contact or wait for an answer. I picked out all the potatoes and started eating the salad. When the waiter came by again and inquired on how much we were enjoying our meals, I told him I wasn't and explained the problem. "Oh, really? Cuz they're fresh - cooked daily... I dunno... Umm, I can ask the chef..." And that was it. I kept eating. I'd decided I wouldn't send it back because I would have just ordered the mixed green salad instead - or what I had with the stale potatoes picked out. But no worry - he didn't even ask if I wanted something else. Later, finally, he brought the check. I noticed he didn't take anything off for the salad, nor did he tell me what the chef had to say for himself (I hadn't expected it - seemed strange he'd ask the chef whether or not I should be happy with my salad). I waited for him to come back so I could ask about the bill - I decided that if he wanted a tip, he probably wanted to take the salad off so there was something left for him. I told him that I didn't like the salad, the potatoes were awful, and that he should take part or all of the salad charge off. And he said, "But you ate it, right?" And I said, "Oh, you didn't just say that..." The bill was $38.83. I left him $40. What he did with it was up to him... Ass.

Bunches of Babies

I finally met other members of the Arizona Single Mothers by Choice group on Saturday. Wow, what a lovely group of women and SUCH CUTE BABIES!! M's triplets (actually due today!), K's 5 mo.-old twins, M2 and her newborn, C and almost 1-year-old, pregnant T and 7-mo.-old boy, T2 and almost year old preemie with the most beautiful blue eyes, and H with twin 4-year-old girls. What a terrific group. All of these babies came out of these ladies bodies - which made me rethink some. I WANT to have a baby! But it also makes really good sense to me to just move to adoption...

Speaking of which, my foster/adopt orientation is tomorrow evening at 6. I'm looking forward to it and a teeny bit nervous. Here's a link to the little boys I'm in love with. But still trying to figure out if I should concentrate on getting a baby. So many decisions!! But I know it's a process that takes some time.

I'm feeling a little nervous about my impending 25th H.S. Reunion set for the middle of June. Yes - 25th! I could be a grandmother! And some of my former classmates are grandparents or parents to college kids. Amazing. I don't feel anywhere close to that old. But it will, I hope, be fun catching up. It's been 5 years since the last one. At the last one, I was skinny, damn cute, and feeling pretty in charge. Now I'm closing in on my heaviest weight and feeling a little less than "super." But improving... It was very funny, I thought, to get a phone message last Friday from one of our class's biggest "stoners" who was helping to organize the reunion.

I'm really looking forward to seeing a BFP from Tracey this week!! It just has to be.

TMI

I basically blew off the afternoon today. My good girlfriend had her hair colored and I went to offer support and many ooohs and aaahs. Spectacular shade of cherry bomb red! Her hairdresser was about as warm as a light pole in Prospect Creek, Alaska. But man could she do color. I took some work-related reading materials, but only read one page - cuz I didn't want to be rude...

Monday nights are special. Heroes at 8. The Riches at 10. And then, since I'm up, I watch Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report. Uh, huh. And now it's after midnight and I should be sleepin'. But not before I let you in on 7 random and/or little known facts about me. Thanks for the tag, Meg... err, Marcy. And like Michell, I don't know 7 bloggers to tag who haven't already been tagged. Val?? You're it!! Candace?? And Jen!

1) I am a flaming, bleeding-heart liberal.
2) I wear a size 12 women's shoe!
3) I was 5'4" when I was 10.
4) I LOVE Crazy Jim's pizza and Matt's Big Breakfast! Hell, I love food.
5) I was married when I was 21, separated at 24 and divorced at 27.
6) I was valedictorian at my H.S. graduation. But obviously not smart enough (see #5).
7) My first dog's name was Tippy. My first (of thankfully only two) parakeet's name was Sam ("I think him Sam" -- I was 4). My first cat's name was Mittens. The cat gave the parakeet a heart attack. My folks gave the dog away and told me she ran away because I didn't play with her enough (my mother denies ever having said that to this day). And my dog threw the cat out the garage door's window by the tail, broke her leg, and then had to pay to fix the window and her broken leg. Whoo! Fun times.

OOps. 8) I don't know where that came from. I call re-do.

7) I was in a band from 1993 to 1994 -- backup vocals and percussion. I was "fired," but I like to blame artistic differences. The guitarist was so pissed he quit on my behalf. It is true that we had been sleeping together.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream (UPDATED)

I'm supposed to test tomorrow a.m., but I'm afraid. I expect it to be negative, but I don't want it to be... But I guess I need to move on to the next thing. I wonder, too, if I even ovulated this month. I took 100 mg clomid CD 3-5, which is twice as much as the previous two cycles. But my symptoms weren't as bad, including the ovulation cramping, which was barely there. My temp shot up the day after my +OPK, which would indicate I ovulated the same day, but then dropped a bit and went up just a little before I started the progesterone. So I'm wondering if I had an anovulatory cycle that was masked by the progesterone? I dunno what's going on. But I will test in the a.m. and move "happily" on.

I'm collecting phone #s for REs, and I'm planning to attend an adoption/foster intro meeting on the 14th (a week from next Monday!). And I will enjoy my break!

So here we go...

Update 5/4: Another test that looks exactly like the last one. *frown* I put a call in to my doc's office for advice as to whether to stop the prometrium or to come in for a blood test. (I called at 10 a.m. and got a return call at 4:45 p.m.) I'm 11 days late, 24 DPO. Doc agreed I'm not pregnant and suggested I stop taking the progesterone.

I plan to call an RE for a consultation, but I feel more and more comfortable with the idea that I will open my home to a child that is already here and needs a home. That really seems to fit with my habit of adopting strays. All of my cats were found feral kittens, and Kobi was found on the street as well, although he was obviously an escapee.

3 little letters I could do without

This was from Sunday morning. Six days late. Monday, seven days late, I called my doctor's office and asked if I shouldn't have a blood test so I could go off the prometrium. Doc, by way of her assistant, said she'd prefer I just wait until Friday. Maybe I'll start AF by then. If not, test again. If negative, which I presume it will be, then we'll decide what next. I feel bloaty and a teeny bit crampy. But absolutely no break through bleeding. At this point I'd give myself about 0.5% chance of being pregnant, but because there's that 0.5%, I won't just quit the prometrium. Need to be 100% sure.

A little frustrating (and disappointing) to say the least.