Drumroll...

The introduction: My name is Michelle, and I'm a single 42-year-old in Phoenix, Arizona who has decided to listen to that jangling biological clock alarm and hop to the business of getting pregnant.

It started with inklings on and off for the past couple decades. Glimmers of maybe... yeah... well, someday... Was married very young at 21, and was "too smart" and "too responsible" to let myself get pregnant. The marriage didn't stick past the first few years, but that "too smart" and "too responsible" hung on. I have dated and loved and even lived with men since my marriage ended--okay, lived with one man for 4 mos.--but the timing or circumstance was never right for a baby.

I love children. But I wasn't too sure about me with children. My younger sister has two lovely little lumpkinettes, 18 mos. and a month shy of 9 years, and they are my darling most darlings. I was a primary care-giver to my first niece and absolutely fell in love. I'm not remembering the exact timing--whether it was before or after niece #1 was born--but I had a dream that sealed the deal for me.

The dream was very simple. I sat on the edge of a standard white bathtub washing the back of my gorgeous dark curly-haired 2-year-old son. I LOVED this baby boy more than I have ever loved any other thing in the world in my life. It was an incredible feeling. And I woke up in tears. I knew that feeling must be what it is like to love your child. I knew I had to have that experience in my life. Now I'm set on having a child with dark, curly hair (not so picky about the boy or girl part).

I'm not so naive as to think that parents walk around in a haze of fabulous love for their children every moment of every day. Or necessarily even one moment per day. It's about more than that rush of love. It's everything about it. The responsibility. The development. The pride. The disappointment. The dramatic changes. The grueling stubbornness. It's everything about being a parent that I want to have. And now I want it now.

Next post: Step one - make a list of steps