Strange who knows I'm TTC'ing (trying to conceive), and who doesn't. And why.
I have a somewhat casual friend, former neighbor, an artist who I recently bought two pieces from (photos)... she knows. She hugged me so hard tonight when I went to pick up the second photo. She wanted me to be sure and tell her what happens after my first AI. She's married and starting to feel closer to ready to start a family. Now. Maybe a couple months from now. But soon. I LIKE her. But we don't really know each other well.
My dear, DEAR friend Mel knows. But she didn't find out until very recently because she'd been so busy we never had a chance to talk. It pained me that she didn't know I'd made such a life changing decision. We talked on the phone a couple times and I suggested we would get together, but then it fell through. Finally I had to just blurt it out. "I'M GOING TO BUY SPERM AND GET MYSELF PREGNANT... I HOPE..."
Another dear friend knows and has from the start. My parents and my sister know because I'm incredibly close with all of them. We're practically enmeshed, except we only talk about once a week and 1500 miles separate us. I told my dad last, but still he's known since August.
My boyfriend knows. And as I stated in an earlier post, he's not interested in contributing. But he's also not interested in breaking up. Somebody else I only talk to about once a week, but only 12 miles separate us.
My boss (or one of them) knows. We rode in the car together for a couple hours. He has two young ones, and he's about 10 years older than I am. His wife is my age. Both of her pregnancies were supposedly accidents. Two boys, five years and nearly one. Our work is pretty intense, and I felt like I needed him to know. To "get" where I am in my life. Huh...
And one other person at work knows. Someone from another office. We slept with the same guy... me nearly four years ago, her about a year ago. Suddenly she and I were intimate friends because of it (LONG, long story). So we know a little more about one another than, well, maybe we should.
I won't tell other people at work until there's no denying it I suppose. Some people at work would be supportive, I'm sure. Others will have attitude. It's an environmental organization. Several staff think humans have bred quite enough thank you. And in many ways I agree... our individual & collective "footprints" are FAR bigger than the world can support. I'm very guilty of unnecessary material consumption. But I have to have hope for our collective futures. I have to have hope that we will address global warming. I have to have hope that we will protect our last flowing rivers, last old growth forests, last intact grasslands and deserts... And I have to believe that it's about the future and a healthy planet, but it's also about love and family.
Of course there's no reason I should tell people I work with until I'm actually pregnant. And there may well be some judgments - that I'm single, that I'm a breeder. But there's also no reason I should have to explain myself.
Speaking of that. Only one person so far has asked me "why" I want to have a baby at this point. And that was my doctor. My GP. I was taken aback. "Well... because it was never time before. Now it's time. I want this more than anything else." He didn't really need or require an explanation, and my short answer was enough to turn the conversation to his own recent fatherhood. His wife nearly died. And she's a doctor--a pediatrician. Maybe that's why he asked me why. They're younger than I am. Maybe he was worried about me. I asked him if I should worry about my health or complications. I have a heart condition (or two). He said I should be fine. And he's looking forward to knowing how things work out for me.
I don't think anybody else needs to know at this point. Not anyone I'm planning on telling but haven't yet. Several people I don't want to mention it to... and have had to catch myself. I'm looking forward to a big belly being the only announcement I need.
But the artist friend tonight asked me when we were going to have a fertility party... Maybe when I need to raise funds for an AI.
3 comments:
I know what you mean about telling people of your decision. I have a tendency to have loose lips and have therefore told quite a few people of my decision. some have been supportive, some not so much. Strangely, I haven't told my mom yet and likely won't until I'm pregnant. It's funny who we feel we can trust that piece of ourselves with and who we can't.
I can also identify with telling & not telling some folks. I figure when I really want you to know, you will see my Big Belly sticking out. Sometimes I ask myself why I haven't told certain folks I am very close to in my life. Then I think.."oh, I will."
It is funny who you tell and who you don't .. I am sure it is based on what you think their reaction might be. We want to tell people that will be supportive. I just shared the happenings this morning in an email with my aunt. I have a feeling she knows but I thought I should open up and talk with her personally. To be honest.. I was scared she might try to "deter" me from the path I have chosen and I didnt feel like having to "fight" for my decision. There were only two people that I cared about that I was afraid of a bad reaction. My aunt and one other friend of mine.. I have to work on telling the friend now.. I KNOW her reaction is not going to be understanding.. UGH!
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