I'm feeling a bit antsy... I still haven't heard from my adoption specialist whether she's made contact with the boys' caseworker. Finally, yesterday, I went ahead and emailed the caseworker listed on their profile (I know it's the wrong guy, but he should forward it, right?) as well as the contact person for the agency. I finally figured out (I'm registered on the Adopt US Kids website, so now I can find out more info about the kiddos and send inquiries to their case workers) that the boys are in or near Tucson as that's where the agency is that's handling their adoption. And now it's been 24 hours and no reply. I cc'd my adoption specialist on the email. She hasn't sent me a note or called either.And this all has me facing the very real prospect that maybe I won't be able to adopt Brandon and Cordell. The "powers-that-be" might rather hold out for a "couple" than place them with me. That these two adorable little faces that have become a part of my daily thoughts might have to exit my memory. And that feels like a major loss.
You see they have really captured my imagination--more so than the infant for which I was TTC. I had faces and names, races and genders and ages for these two guys. I certainly didn't know that much about the baby that never formed in my womb. And because I adored them on sight, even though I knew there was a possibility that they would never be mine, they became the official stand-ins for "my kids." When I think about rides to school or the museum or chasing around the park, it's with Brandon and Cordell. When I think of going to Ikea and picking out bedroom furniture of their very own, I think of going with Brandon and Cordell. When I think of introducing my kiddos to my family and my friends, the kiddos are Brandon and Cordell. And it really, really hurts to think that my kiddos may not be them. And I have to open myself up for some other kids. Kids that right now, to me, don't have faces or names or genders or ages... just ranges and possibilities.
Bleh... it stinks.
I KNOW! I totally set myself up. And I said I wasn't going to do that. But as the weeks and months wore on (I saw their picture at the end of March or beginning of April), I've sorta slipped. But you know I'll muddle through, whatever. I just wish that dream, the one with Brandon and Cordell, would come true.
9 comments:
Keeping my fingers crossed for the dream.
I'm keeping my toes crossed too.. and I hope that helps. And, from what I've heard of county foster/adopt caseworkers, they are so overworked at 24 hours is nothing. I'm so sorry that this seems just as bad (or worse) than the tww.
I'll keep everything crossed for you too that it still works out that they can be your boys. I know what you mean though about mourning a loss of a hope or dream. It does hurt. Hang in there and hugs to you.
Bleh this does stink. I know what you mean about looking at the faces unlike TTC. I still have hope for you and those two cute little boys though!
bleh... you are right... that stinks! But, I am still holding out hope for you girl! Unfortunately all that stuff takes alot of time. Try and keep your hopes up! You will get a child/children here soon and I hope that it is the two that you want!
We're here thinking about you...hoping that all your dreams come true!
I really hope that you will still be able to have "your boys" 24 hours isn't long in the world of overloaded caseworkers. I hope they get to you soon!
They would be stupid, imo, to pass you over. It's hard to place older children, let alone multiple siblings and mixed-race sets. You want them. They don't need to be in the foster care system if someone stable and loving wants them. Everything crossed for ya, babe!
I found your blog via Looky, Daddy. Good luck--you have a beautiful dream and I hope it comes true.
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