getting closer

I'm surprised it's been so long since my last post! The little girl, J, and I are certainly spending more time together. Last week she stayed over Monday night since Tuesday was a holiday. Then we got together Thursday evening, and she was with me all weekend from after school on Friday through Sunday early evening. I'll see her Tuesday and Thursday evenings this week, and next weekend, although the schedule may be changed somewhat... I will have her the week of Thanksgiving, Tuesday after school through Sunday.

Unlike I'd thought in my last post, she won't be living with me full time by Thanksgiving. She has a number of people on her "team" - caseworker, caseworker's supervisor, counselor, counseling supervisor, psychiatrist, psychologist, guardian ad litem, guardian ad litem's assistant, foster family, myself, and my licensing/certification worker. Needless to say, to get all of these folks on the same page is difficult at best. The current plan, though (and we DO have one!), is to have her stay with me over the long Thanksgiving weekend +, and then tell her I want to adopt her at her first counseling appt. after that on Dec. 3. They would like her to finish the school term out where she's at, and move in with me the weekend she gets out for winter break, Dec. 20. We'll have a couple days together before we go to the NW for Christmas with my family--her NEW family. Huh... wonder if that will seem daunting to her. Fortunately, she loves gatherings and loves attention, so she should enjoy it.

Case in point, we went to an annual picnic yesterday hosted by a local nonprofit environmental group. She met lots of people and was perfectly comfortable serving herself and going off and sitting with other people while she ate. She hooted and hollared for award recipients like she was at a Han*na Mon*tana concert. I did tell her that 95-year-old Edith might not appreciate being told "WOO! You GO girl! Rock on!!" -- it could be considered disrespectful. She toned it down a little after that, but she loves drawing attention and being fawned over. OH - there was a silent auction during the picnic, and I bid on a couple framed photos that she liked, so she was convinced she would get these for her room at my house. I was outbid on one of them, and I did not feel like spending the additional monies for the photo - plus the person who took the photo told us he'd get one just for J if we were outbid. So we were outbid, and even though we'd get a copy of the photo, J started crying, upset and angry that we were outbid. The guy who did get the photo said he'd share it with us... we could have it one year, and at next year's picnic, we'll get it back to him. She was still mad because she wanted "that one." She was finally somewhat appeased when the photographer gave her another framed photo for free, plus the one on which I'd placed the winning bid, plus another that I had commented previously to the photographer that I would like... We walked out with 4 framed nature photos. She decided on the way home that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for her to have been so upset and mad.

All in all, things are going very well. She's an absolute love, and I'm looking forward to her being my daughter full time. And I'm really looking forward to her knowing that she has a permanent place with me. December 3rd. I'll let you know how that goes!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes 2

Last week went really well with J. She is mostly a typical 10-year-old who is desperate for stability. We've had great fun doing all sorts of things little girls/kids like to do... movies, roller coasters, video games, pedicures, the science center and shopping. And she seems very excited to spend the night for the first time next weekend. We've gotten along very well, and though she pulls attitude frequently, it usually doesn't take but 3-4 "no" statements to get her back on track. She loves to challenge and barter. She also likes to blame others for situations and emotions she doesn't like. But she is a darling little girl!! And I am falling into mommyhood pretty well, I think. I also think we're on track for her to live with me full time by Thanksgiving! So cheers to big damn changes!! and lots of counseling. and lots of hugs. and knowing what a cool thing this is.

Ups and Downs

We had a terrific Saturday at C*stles *nd Co*sters! The only down side of the day was that I was too fat to ride the roller coaster... I couldn't lock the bar across my lap! Might have worked if my legs were shorter, and my knees didn't have to be quite so up in the air... J was so sweet, she said, "You're not fat... you're just tall." Yeah, we'll get along just fine.

She was high energy, but only verged on obnoxious a couple times. She also mistook me for furniture a few times, but I can understand that she just wants to get "close" and create - even mandate - a relationship. Such a sweet girl that needs so much!

We're going to the movies this afternoon. I'll take her to Peter Piper for dinner and games Wednesday. And I plan to spend the full day with her on Friday. She'll get to meet my sister, too, who is flying into town for a friend's baby shower.

VERY EXCITING!!

Tired already

I met my "daughter" today. It's just the strangest thing... She calls her foster mom, Mom. She's extremely high energy, singing, dancing, "I'm bored"-ing, pushing boundaries, cheating on checkers, etc. all over the place, when she's not firing a ball at my head. To say I'm thrilled is an understatement. To say I'm terrified is an understatement.

She's 10 10-year-olds in 1 beautiful kid. And I'm 1 inexperienced, lower-case mom.

We spent a couple hours together today. We'll spend most of tomorrow together. Yes, she talked me into a theme park. Considering her zoom-zoominess, I'll likely be glad to have Sunday off.

You really, really like me

Recap of the week's relevant happenings:
1) I finally heard from my adoption worker on Wednesday and a 2nd meeting with the caseworker and the girl's (J) guardian ad litem was scheduled for Friday (today). Anxiety mostly abated.
2) Attended productive meeting with caseworker and guardian ad litem (plus 3 other people) this morning. Tentatively set a meeting date for next Friday for J and myself. This will be a brief meeting with about a 4 hr play meeting the next day, Saturday. We'll probably be getting together a few times each week for a couple weeks, then maybe start an overnight and then weekend visits.
3) We've agreed that initially I will only be introduced as a "special friend." (Sounds perverse, but I didn't tell them that...) This should help reduce some of the pressure on her and help us build a friendship and bond (as much as one can be established over the course of a few weeks). Then, seeing how it goes, let her know what's up before she moves in permanently.

So they are definitely excited about this happening for J. And I'm excited for me! And nervous as hell. Time to think seriously about my "house rules," schedule and structure. This, people, is huge! The absolutely most important thing I've ever done in my life. (Like I have to tell you this.) I hope like hell I can be an adequate, maybe even good, mom to this little girl. I'll do my best.

Love in the Time of Color, uh

I really, really appreciate all the congrats and well wishes! Here's how it stands:
I met with the little girl's (J) caseworker, her supervisor, etc. last Wednesday a.m. to get and provide more info. It all seemed good, and we were set to plan a meeting for me with J. I was given 24 hours to decide whether I still wanted to move forward. I told them before I left that I did. I haven't heard a thing since. My adoption worker was to try to get a hold of the caseworker yesterday to try to schedule something. Nothing. So, keep hoping that this moves forward, but at this point I feel a little left in the dark.

But the house is coming along! I still can't find my camera battery charger, so no pics--sorry! The master bedroom, bathroom, office, and hall are all painted - only need to paint the doors. The living room walls are painted & half the molding - still need to paint the ceiling & other half of the molding & front door. Then I need to paint the dining room. And eventually/soon the family room and kids room - whenever the kid gets here and tells me what color they want. I'm thinking I want to put an embossed tin ceiling in the dining room, but that'll run me around $500, so I'll just paint it for now. I also need to install the ceiling fans I have for the office and living room. I took the ceiling fan from my bedroom to good*will today. I'll do the same with the others once I replace them. I also took my sad, old t.v. - a hand-me-down from an ex-beau. I bought my first t.v. last week - a 32" flat panel LCD. Fun! I also put together 3 bookcases & mounted them to the wall. I'm so proud of myself!

1 fish, 2 fish, blond fish, my fish

I'm gonna be a mom. Yes, I said it!! I was selected this morning to parent a 10-year-old girl!

Within the next couple weeks (probably sooner rather than later), I'll have a meeting with the case worker and my adoption specialist to discuss the details of her case, ask questions, etc. Then we'll plan the transition. In most cases, they like to see the transition take place over a couple months.... meet on neutral ground, meet at her current placement, meet at my house, a sleep-over, more meetings and sleep-overs, etc.

I was also told that judges usually want a child to be in a placement for at least 6 months before the adoption proceeds. ...So my hope is that she lives with me full time by Christmas 2008, and is adopted by Christmas 2009.

But now it's time to be both excited and panicked at the prospects of being an instant mom!! I have lived completely alone for the past 10 years and only shared domiciles for a total of 5 of the previous 15 (including married at 21 for 3 years, other roommate situations). And I'm about to share my home and my life with another person. A troubled little person. A little person who will need me. wow.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

It's finally cooling off around here... Low hundreds today. I think upper 90s tomorrow. Yay! Summer's about over.

I STILL haven't found that camera battery charger. But started moving boxes and unpacking more in earnest today. Painted the hallway the same color as the one wall in the bedroom, durango blue. The hall has incredibly 6 doorways and an archway, plus 3.5" molding, so lots of white as well as the blue. It's really lovely and I'm SO happy that's done. Still need to do the ceiling and paint all the doors and molding. Then I'll be head over heels.

I had my quarterly visit with my adoption specialist today. She said that she had great news (and she didn't lie). Apparently she found out this morning that one of the girls I'd been interested in parenting has become available for adoption again. Someone connected with the family (her brother's adoptive mom's mother) was considering her, but it didn't work out. So TOMORROW is the meeting with the caseworker, and only one other family is being considered. My specialist said it looked very good for me. I should know tomorrow by early afternoon!! The girl is 10 and super cute. And I remember that she loves animals and thinks she wants to be a vet. So this houseful would be pretty perfect for her.

Back to the unpacking... where is that charger?!!!

For Want of a Nail

Woo! Sorry. I've been painting and going crazy here. But I can't find my battery charger for my camera. So I can't take any new pics, but here's a few I haven't shared yet. (I guess I coulda not said anything, posted these, and you'd be none the wiser...)

So, here's the "durango blue" accent wall in my bedroom, before I got a picture hung up there in the middle of it...
And here's the opposite wall, with my "boudoir girls" hanging on my "radiant sun" wall. Notice the chic modern ceiling fan that I installed myself (replacing the previous hideous piece of metal and glass).


Hmmm... and here is my dining room slash temporary office while the "real" office has yet to be completed. Painting... baseboard molding. I'm hoping that happens Wednesday night. Then I can get that room put together.


Cuz this is what it looks like right now...

And yes, you can be sure that I have already purchased the replacement ceiling fan/light for this room! Oh, and by the way, the dining room has not yet been painted... at least not by me.

That's enough for now... but I'll leave you with a shot of the back yard. Exciting, I know.


And it's dusk in the picture, so you can't tell what the hell is going on. But in this shot, you see the edge of my patio, a big block of grass, something else (dirt and weeds, if you must know), and in the distance, a concrete block wall with a red (take my word for it) stained wood plank gate. And the tree in the right of the pic, or what you might be mistaking for a large, dark, amorphous blob, is a pecan tree. Yeah, that's right... behind the very large ghost orb. (Does anyone else watch the RotoRooterGhosthunterGuys??) Behind the tree is a decent-sized garden that is already fenced, has water hoses plumbed with the faucets right there in the garden, and has overhead lights that can be switched on for working at night... when it's cool. Or at least cooler. It's 12:30am, and currently 88 degrees F. And you know what the F stands for...

Hopefully I'll find that camera battery charger and be able to get some new pics soon. If anybody knows which box that damn thing got packed into, I'd be so happy if you'd let me know...

Home is where the work is...

The house deal closed on schedule! $450 of my $500 earnest money is in the mail back to me! I spent last night packing and will be painting and packing today and tomorrow. Moving Saturday and Sunday. I'll post pics soon!

the tide is high

It's been crazy here... or maybe it's just me. The house purchase is moving along, still on track to close at the end of this month. I hope. Working out termite treatment issues with the seller. And found out that flood insurance will be an unexpected expense - not the insurance itself, but rather the amount (twice as much as anticipated) and the fact they want the entire year up front! I hadn't budgeted for that.

My mom and niece were here for a week, 8/8-15. Then I returned with them to Seattle for my little sister's 40th birthday. Back home on 8/17. Quick trip! But it was worth it. She had a fabulous party.

I have mounds of work to catch up on, too. I've been so distracted lately. Huh... wonder why...

Best wishes go out to all my friends in Blogland and sincerest apologies for not checking in sooner!!

To root or wing or both

I'm planning on getting some new digs... I'd been thinking about it for some time, and just working at cleaning up my credit as much as possible. Then I found out a friend of mine had gotten his RE license and thought, what the hell. I'll help him get experience, and I'll feel comfortable asking him stupid questions. So I emailed him on 7/22, signed a contract with him on 7/23, and got names of possible mortgage brokers to see what I might prequalify for.

I started looking at listings and so did he, without knowing my price range. I also drove around and found a couple houses to check listings on. Finally, a week later he asked me if I was getting all I needed from the mortgage broker. I had to fess up that I hadn't called yet, but it prompted me to do it. I think I was a little afraid... how's my credit in relation to what I need for the loan I want? how much can I get? will they tell me to take a hike? am I really ready for this? how much will I need for a down payment? (cuz I don't have anything, and I need to know how long I'll have to save) Within 2 hours of the call I made, I was pre-qualified for a loan. I knew my price range. I found out about the loan possibilities (F*H*A) and down payment requirements (3%, payable by seller with Amer*idream thru Oct. 1 when that loophole goes away). So we started shopping in earnest. I found a number of listings I was interested in and sent them all to the realtor. He also suggested a few. We made an appt. to go look at some houses last Saturday, 8/2. We looked at 9 houses. One of them really stuck in my head, so we made an offer the next morning (yesterday). I haven't received a counter offer yet, but heard one would be coming. We'd indicated we want to have something by tomorrow, Tuesday, close of business. We also indicated in the offer that we want to close on 8/27.

SO - I may be a homeowner as early as 3 weeks from now, just 5 weeks from when I contracted my realtor. But I'm not counting my chickens, so to speak. I've had enough disappointment to know not to spend time "dreaming" about possibilities. I am really excited, though, and hoping this works out. And if it doesn't, there are 100 more homes in my price range in this area, so I'll likely be a home owner within the next 2 months, anyway. My wild pups need a back yard to run in! And I'd like to do foster-adopt, and am more inclined to do whatever home improvements, changes, etc. to meet state requirements on a home I own rather than one I rent.

Speaking of adoption--kids, not dogs--the one little girl that was a more recent possibility didn't work out. The case worked didn't consider me. So there's nobody on the horizon for me yet. Still. And I can celebrate my 1 year anniversary for adoption certification on August 18.

Speaking of anniversaries, yesterday marked 23 years since I'd gotten married (we were only together 3 years, then separated for 3 before we divorced). Interesting that it was commemorated by my first offer on my first house. Took me awhile to grow up...

Biko and Thin Lizzy

My new babies goin' at it...

I introduced them to rawhides today. Got me a whole 15 minutes of peace!!



I picked them up Tuesday afternoon rather than Thursday -- they were ready early. I've been exhausted ever since. 9-mo. old Biko doesn't seem to have any concept of outdoor facilities. And turns out Thin Lizzy is only 2 mos. But I've cleaned up and cleaned up and been extremely vigilant. And the potty training has gone better today. Biko peed in his kennel twice earlier, but not on the floor. And he hasn't pooped in the house today. Lizzy hasn't pottied in her kennel or in the house at all today. I know it's not quite 7pm and a lot could happen yet this evening... But compared to the last couple days, they've really been stellar. [Update: Biko made it until 9:40. He'd been outside not 10 minutes prior for 1/2 an hour. He'd peed and pooped. And then came in and peed. Oh, well. Tomorrow's a new day!]

ugh... I just pulled poop off of Lizzy's fur under her arm... that had to be there for at least a day. eww. I can't really bathe them for about a week either. (Sponge baths, but no soaking their sutures...)

And to answer your question, Jen, my friend R and I named them. I named Biko - which was suppose to have been Kobi's name, except my boyfriend at the time didn't like it. Can y'all remember Peter Gabriel's tribute to the antiapartheid leader? R named Lizzy - and several other dogs in the pound that I didn't take home... There was Kajagoogoo, a mop-headed white dog. Tigger, a SERIOUSLY bouncing terrier mix. Thin Lizzy was chewing on the bars of the cage, prompting R to sing "tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak..." Plus she was puppy-puffy, contrary to "thin."

I'll be sooooo happy when we're all potty trained and settling in. The cats aren't thrilled, but they seem to be holding their own. I imagine it will be a pretty happy zoo here pretty soon.

Nothin' a puppy can't fix...

Feelin' better! Started back at the gym. It's cooled down just a bit. Was in Yosemite for work recently... swam in the Wild and Scenic Merced River. Re: adoption, a couple kiddos were presented to me. I've asked that my homestudy be sent for one of them, and I'll hopefully find out if I'll be considered Monday. If so, her caseworker will be deciding who will be her adoptive parent(s) by the end of the week.

I made an appointment with a friend who recently became a real estate agent. We'll have coffee Tuesday morning and discuss some listings, my needs, etc. I SO don't know what I'm doing, but it's a good time to do it now, so... Figured it was time to get some help and get the process started. If I do end up buying a house and I still don't have the right kiddo match, I've planned all along that I would get licensed to do foster care so I can do foster-adopt. I just didn't want to mess with the state licensing while I was renting because there were a few costly things that need repair (not dangerous, just the rules).

I also went to the county animal shelter yesterday and found a couple of furbabies I had to adopt. Pictures below!

Biko, the brindle boxer mix, and...

Thin Lizzy, the jail breakin' retriever mix!

SUCH CUTIES! I get to bring them home on Thursday after their spay/neuter surgeries. Can't wait!!!!!

Got blahs?

Not sure exactly what is up... I mean I can guess at lots of stuff. Losing Kobi. Living in Phx without any family around. It's Summer in Phx. I've been certified to adopt for almost a year, but not matched with any kiddos yet. My car was hit & runned while I was out of town over Memorial Weekend - not super noticeable, but I see it every time I approach the car. Recent surreal occurrence of bullet through ceiling. My sleep schedule is completely f-d up. I've been losing myself in television or computer games or other hand-held games. I've put probably 20 lbs back on since January - 1/2 the weight I lost. It's Summer in Phx. Kobi's gone. And I can't sleep. And money stuff and house stuff and stuff and stuff...

I don't feel depressed per se. Maybe that's the joy of antidepressants. But I haven't been very productive lately. As I said, my sleep schedule has just been OFF. Have been getting about 4-5 hours sleep each night (or early morning) this week. Until last night/this morning. Didn't fall asleep until probably 2. But then slept through my alarm until 11 am. Fortunately I didn't have any appts. But c'mon! You can't just sleep until 11 am on a work day that normally starts at 8 am and feel good about it. At least I can't. "You needed it." "You're lucky you can do that sorta thing..." No, not helpful. Cuz, yeah. And yeah.

So, I'm hoping I can fulfill my commitment to myself to get it turned around this weekend. To not just fill my time with not thinking activities part of the time and sleep the rest of the time. But to plan. And dare to hope.

Bleh. But I'm smiling. I know it'll be fine. Just am sick 'n tired of these blahs.

here's some sunshine:

green patch

If you click on my widget (heehee, she said widget), I get greenbucks (not real money) to help me tend my lil green patch on Face*book.

not much

I am not a good, nor consistent blogger... Guess I should just face the facts and stop feeling bad about it. :)

Nothing exciting (thank goodness) going on. I haven't heard anything more about the boy/girl twins. The case worker for the boy/boy twins is not accepting any more home studies. Frustrating.

My brain cells need a rest. I know... I just got started, but I'm out of blog-shape.

CSI PHX

Wouldn't you know it... The morning after my last post I got a call from my adoption facilitators about a pair of nearly 9-year-old twins (their birthday is today!), a boy and girl. They have had some issues, particularly the boy, but seem to have come a long way in the past year. I have requested my homestudy be sent to their caseworker. There's also ANOTHER set of twins, 9 and both boys, that I've requested more information about. We'll see what happens...

My mom and maybe oldest niece (10) plan to come for a visit which will be fun! -- maybe July. It should be good and muggy for 'em.

Can't believe I'm having difficulty keeping my eyes open this morning. Almost 11 am, although I did get up by 7 to go out to breakfast at Matt's. Rode my bike. Worked on my farmer's tan, but didn't go to the farmer's market...

I'll leave you with shots of the shot that turned my home into a crime scene and me into a detective for the evening last Tuesday. What I encountered...




The bullet was still warm, although it was a hot evening and everything was warm... I could see sheetrock marks on the bullet, and a few pieces of plaster on the floor. My house is falling apart, but this seemed new. Though not a weapons expert, I could tell the copper bullet was a larger caliber (if it was indeed a bullet and not just something else within my house that was falling apart...). With all of my sleuthing, though, I couldn't find the freakin' bullet hole. But the cops, with likely a bit more practice, were able to locate the entry hole. I'd looked all over the ceiling in the living room, but it didn't dawn on me to check the ceiling in the dining room, although I did check for broken windows or a hole in the walls, of which there were none. I haven't followed up to find out if they ever figured out precisely from where the bullet left the gun, although I do have a case number. So much for sleuthing.

It's Raining Bullets

Okay, so I'm just sitting down, ready to blog for the first time in almost 3 weeks, and "CRASH"! What the hell?? So I go look in the living room where it sounded like the crash had come from. I'd thought 1) a new set of photos/frames of my nieces fell off the fireplace mantle, or 2) the metal fireplace screen fell over... Nope everything in its place.

But what's this? A large caliber copper bullet? WTF?? I can't figure out where it came in... I call the cops. They discover that it came in through the dining room roof/ceiling. There's a little plaster in the living room, which I'd seen, and a divot in the floor, which I'd missed. Oh, besides the hole in the ceiling. Likely from shots fired a couple miles from here! The landlord's gonna have to patch the roof before the monsoon storms start...

It's oh so quiet here without the Kobester. And I was a big huge mess for the first week, but it gets better every day. I miss him so much... But the cats are getting lots more pets and brushing. I was going to wait to get a dog until I could pick it out with a kiddo, but that's goin' no where fast. I'll probably get a dog when I get back from a training/retreat at Yosemite in July. I agreed to foster a pit bull if nobody else will do it in a few days. Hopefully they'll find it a good home soon. I can't get attached because I don't think the adoption/agency folks will take too kindly to it.

On the kiddo front, the little girl that I was being considered for had a family member step forward (finally!) to take her. She's been in the system for like 6 years. I don't know if the family member will get approved, but in the meantime, there're no matches for me. Hard to believe this takes so long when there're 9000 kids in foster care in AZ!

Nearly forgot, same day I lost Kobi, I was walkin' around in a fog and stepped wrong off a curb and twisted both ankles/feet. I know! I was taking care of my friend's dog while she was out of town, and was walking the dog and a bowl of her food to my car - I was going to take her home with me. But got to the curb to the rear of my car and I fell down. Both ankles gave out and I was immediately on my knees (see Jen? we could be related...). My right ankle hurt so bad, I thought I'd broken it. I finally got up and hopped to the car door and opened it to get my phone which was still in the car. The dog jumped in - she was ready to go. But I wasn't goin' nowhere. I ended up flagging down a neighbor and asking him to take the dog back in my friend's house. Then some other neighbors got home and they helped me back into the house and got me ice. Yet another neighbor helped me by walking the dog and taking me to see the orthopedic surgeon she works for the next day. I wore an air-cast for a few days, until the discomfort of the heat rash was worse than the ankle pain. I'd apparently torn the ligaments in the outside of my right ankle and stressed some tendons in the top of my left foot. Or something like that... It's much better now though. I decided maybe Kobi was still looking out for me by giving me something else to think about and to concentrate on taking care of myself. It sure worked for the first 24 hours...

Best Dog Ever

My best friend passed away this morning. We had almost 11 years together. He was the very BEST DOG EVER, and I will miss him like crazy.

This is going to be hard… He was a few months shy of 11. We beat “bloat” and an oral sarcoma. But seems he likely had cancer in his spleen that was bleeding into his abdomen. The prognosis wasn’t at all promising. But he was such a good boy – he stopped breathing as the doc was telling me the options. He didn’t make me choose. He didn't die while I was out of town over the weekend. He didn’t die at a “strange” clinic, and he didn’t die at home, where it would have been nearly impossible for me to move him at 107 lbs. of literally dead weight. He waited 'til he got to his oncologist’s office, and waited for me to join him in the room. He had people around him that loved him, including the doc’s office manager, also named Kobi.(!) It was the best possible scenario given the circumstances. SUCH a good dog. SO MANY happy memories.

goodbye, my lovely boy

Ups, downs and long roads home

Went to visit the fam-damily for a long Memorial Weekend. Saw some cousins I haven't seen in almost a decade. They have 3 beautiful little boys, ages 3-9. Folks, sister, 2 nieces and myself rented a mini-van and drove from Seattle to central Oregon. Some 6 plus hours, and/but my adorable 3 and 10-year-old nieces were terrific. Mimi (3) didn't cry even once during the drive, and Lex (10) was completely good, quiet and reasonable - didn't complain about boredom or nothin'. We stayed at a Sup*er*8 for a couple nights and swam in the eyes - are - burning - from - the - over - chlorinated - pool and ate out of the is - that - all - they - have - vending - machine and the they're - out - of - everything - beverage - machine... But it was Memorial Weekend, and the small town we were in was hosting a youth baseball tournament. Every place we went--the pool, the pizza place down the street--were packed with kiddos and out of everything. Quarters for the kid room at the pizza parlor went suddenly extinct... the quarter machine went belly up and the cashiers were out as well. Let the begging commence! All in all, though, it was a great time.

Oh, pictures... you want pictures? Yeah, me, too. But I forgot my camera. I did get a couple of copies of the portraits they just had done at Sears, so I'll scan and post those in a few days. SUCH beautiful girls.

Haven't heard anything much on the adoption front in the last couple weeks, but I understand that I will be considered for a little girl that is available. She's 10. And beautiful. And precocious. Not all fun and games, though. There are some issues that will need work. I should know in a couple weeks or less if I'll be chosen to parent her. And still have my homestudy out for a couple other placements. The difficult two-some mentioned in a previous post (involving poo on walls) are not available, so I don't have to contemplate that further. I'll post any new news as it comes! And I'll try not to be so sporadic in my posts. (And in response to a previous query as to my considering foster-adopt, I have considered it, and the group I'm working with on the adoption nearly requires it, but it's not a good choice for me at this moment. I may move in that direction in six months, a year, or two years... we'll see.)

Finally, my Kobi-dog doesn't seem to be doing very well. We go in tomorrow for a regular oncology check-up, but that's not the issue - I don't think. He's bloated (but it's not "bloat"), lethargic and his appetite is way down. He seemed pretty punk when I was leaving town last Thursday, but I thought maybe it was just because he knew I was going. Except that his tummy seemed a little full, and he didn't quite finish his food - which was odd. He stayed with a friend, and I checked in with her. He didn't get any worse, and was actually eating and was somewhat chipper. But when I got home last night, I could tell in about two minutes that he was absolutely not okay. I checked in with his regular vet, and they couldn't take him. I called to see if we could move up his check-up scheduled for tomorrow, but couldn't do that either. The doc said, though, to take him off his herbs and give him some pep*cid*ac. I also fed him a chicken breast and brown rice mixed with some baby food of similar content. And he's been drinking water fine. And hasn't been throwing up or anything. So... Hopefully, it's nothin' big and we can go on enjoying a couple more years. Even if we're livin' on borrowed time as it is. My boy...

QUICK catch up *updated*

Nothing to report kid-wise. Not a word. Not a nibble. Na-da. Just super busy with work. My bff has been working on screenplays and documentary narration writing, etc. We shot a music video Saturday that was months in the planning. It's just a fan video that will go on YouTube. I'll post it when it's completed if I'm not too embarrassed... :) I've already decided that because of my work... and because of google... I will not have my name listed in the credits for the video. That's not out of embarrassment, but rather just trying to maintain my professional env*iron*mental advocate status. Anywhoo, I'm looking forward to a short vacation and getting to see my nieces over Memorial Weekend! But now, I gotta get back to work.

UDPATE: Well, wouldn't you know it about two hours after posting I got a call from my adoption worker with 3 possible placements, including one group of 2 siblings. But wow... these kiddos are all really messed up. Of the sibling group, the 5-year-old boy has loud outbursts and meltdowns and wipes feces on the wall. Not sure if the shit-thing was a one-timer or if that's a consistent behavior. The 4-year-old girl also has temper tantrums. Don't know many kids who don't. And I'd hope that with intensive therapy over time, these kids would do better. Also a 6-year-old boy that was termed "emotionally disabled"... which frankly scared me a bit. I passed on him. The third was a soon to be 8-year-old boy who throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get what he wants. He was exposed to alcohol and cocaine in the womb, has ADHD and impulse control problems, and has terrible eating habits (likes junk - won't eat healthy food). I'm suppose to get more info soon so that I can decide whether or not I want to be considered for any of these kiddos. (right now I'm just shaking my head - not as in "no," but rather "wtf am I getting myself into?")

Happy Earth Day!

Ari*zona's Fos*sil Cre*ek... this picture was taken in November 2007 with my camera phone during the re*patria*tion of en*dangered na*tive fi*shies to this re*stored stream. A day I'll never forget!

Two and two, bottom of the 5th

Two strikes...

First, Re: adoption - I found out today that the psychologist for the little girl has recommended that the girl and her foster mom participate in 4 to 6 months of family therapy. I agree that all should be done to preserve the bond they've established, unless the foster mom just isn't committed. So I'm back in the active pool of potential adoptive parents. And grieving the loss of another little kiddo that won't be mine.

Second, Re: guy that gave me his number last week - I called him. And we talked over the course of a couple days. I started to feel kind of excited about him. We made plans. But the more we talked, the more I could tell it wasn't going to work for me. He was very aggressive. And manipulative. Believe it or not, I could pretty well figure out that dating him would be a miserable experience. So we canceled our plans and wished each other well. That was yesterday...

So at this point, I'm going to bed early. It was a rough couple of days. But I'll catch up with my blogger buddies first. And see if I can't check the lottery #s drawn today. SOMETHING good has to happen, right?

this, that and the other update

The wait is grueling!

The little girl I may be adopting was the subject of a hearing last Thursday wherein the judge did not make any decision about her placement, at least in part because the psych-eval she was suppose to undergo did not happen prior to the hearing. It's scheduled instead for next Tuesday. Then, apparently, it takes a couple weeks for the eval to make its way to the judge. The judge may then decide... or he may schedule another hearing... or the caseworker may have to petition for removal of the child from her current placement... or ?

So I'm probably looking at another month. When I was told initially that I'd know last Thursday. Okay, at least I know I'm not alone. The wait and changes and delays are pretty normal.

Otherwise, things are okay. Except that I can't schedule anything because I don't know what's going on... I've had to family members, an aunt and a grandfather, pass away in the last two months. A family gathering is planned in honor of my aunt during Memorial weekend. The family gathering in honor of Granddad is scheduled for the first week in August. Both are in the NW around Bend. I need to buy plane tickets for two separate trips, except that I don't know if I'll have a child and whether or not that child can travel with me out of state... I obviously need to spend some time talking to my adoption worker to clarify my options and whether or not I, as an adoptive parent, qualify for respite care if it's too early or unaffordable for two airline tickets for what will be at least 3 trips to the NW this year - because we have to go at Christmas (if there is a "we," of course).

And what I sorta rambled over was the fact that two of my family members died this year... Aunt Jo was in poor health for awhile, but too young. Only 6 years older than my mother who is 65. But my aunt did not trust doctors or people in general, so did not get preventive care or address what was likely stomach cancer. She had been a wonderfully sweet woman as I was growing up. At some points she was a stay-at-home mom, unlike my own, and I loved going to stay with her and my two cousins in the summer. She gave me the attention I craved. But she was also a bit mentally unstable. Which came to a head by the time I and my cousins were in high school, shortly before her husband left her. The rest of her life - the last 20-some years - had been pretty miserable. I'm certain the peace she now has is a blessing.

My granddad was sufficiently old (is there such a thing?) - about 92. He fell and broke his hip. Then they found a blood clot in his lungs. They decided not to do surgery, and it was a matter of a couple days before he passed away. My folks were able to see him, comfort him, and tell him that we all loved him. I really wanted to fly up, but the expense... and we really didn't know if he'd be gone within hours or days. He was pretty incoherent after the first 24 hours. I take comfort that I did visit him and my aunt at Christmas, as well as my last surviving grandparent - Grandma Starr - who is 98! She has pretty severe dementia and broke her hip just before that as well - though they did succeed at surgery, she's pretty difficult to rehab. She's the energizer bunny, the dear. But I miss her - how she was. How very much she loved me. Which was loads and loads... I'm so lucky! Now, though, she barely remembers me most of the time.

Would you believe that I have not run a single time since I ran the marathon? Not even at the gym. I use the elliptical trainer, lift weights. But am gaining weight because I eat like I did when I was running 30-50 miles/week. And I didn't go to the gym all last week... My workout buddy and bff is "recovering" from a tattoo and was told not to work out for a week. And cuz I just can't get myself there on my own... I should go today. a-hem...

And I got asked out last week by a random guy at the supermarket! I haven't called him yet, but I may. He seemed cool enough. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. I bet he thinks I'll never call since he gave me his # last Wednesday. :) I jus' don't wanna upset my little apple cart. I'm completely fine alone. But I guess we could meet for coffee...

Ready for your close-up, Girls?

Found myself playing instead of working this afternoon/evening... and here's what I did. Made my first movie! This is video I took with my digital camera last summer of my two darling nieces attempting yoga. Of course the older - 9 at the time - is slightly better at following instructions/copying than the 2 year old, but not by much. Added a silly song and some effects... voila! Video. Enjoy :)

Manic Sunday

I was SO SICK last week!! I came down with (probably) the dreaded nasty norovirus and began the pukefest Monday night. I was still sick, although the puking stopped, Tuesday through Thursday. I finally felt somewhat slightly normal on Friday, although ti-reD with a capital D. I took Tuesday and Wednesday off from work. I couldn't do anything, but started catching up as much as I could on Thursday. I work from home most of the time, so it's a pretty easy deal that way. I don't have to shower to work...

But I'm back and in fine shape nows. Thank goodness! And I've been in rare form for a few days now. I can't seem to not say what's on my mind. For example, I went with my friend to a tattoo shop yesterday afternoon so she could finally talk to them about getting her first tattoo. While chatting with the shop-keep, he decided to show us his "realistic" joke tattoo - an "open wound" on his ankle. I told him it looked like an asshole. He laughed. A lot. Then said that that was actually the model or original concept that was morphed into the wound. He also said that in all this time, I was the only person to ever say that/guess that right. But c'mon, I don't know this guy and here I tell him his tattoo looks like an asshole?

I had such a fun day yesterday with my friend. We went to breakfast, then Sally Beauty for makeup and hair color and, and, and... then Walgreen's for more stuff, then to R's for a break. While she walked her dog, I applied some of my new makeup for funs. When she got back, we went to look for the new tattoo studio in the neighborhood that's owned by a woman who did a friend of R's gorgeous floral tattoos. Told you about that trip already. Oh, but just before that we stopped at a Mexican bakery and had pastries and coffee. So cheap and yummy!

R & I took a little break and went to our own homes to "do stuff." I went back over with Kobi to eat dinner and play scrabble, but we never got to the scrabble. We played with makeup at the kitchen table. She looked like some gorgeous vamp from Star Trek! I didn't go that crazy... just looked like I was ready for (somebody's) bed.

Today's been a little more mellow. I guess I wore myself out yesterday because I slept until almost 11:30 this morning! Makes for a short day...

I am getting very excited about the prospects of having a pre-teen girl. Scared as hell, too. But, we'll just have to see what happens. I still won't know anything until the 3rd of April. I have really noticed, though, that maybe out of self-preservation or just my knack for making the best of things, I find myself thinking: "What was I thinking wanting two little boys... that would have been crazy! Costco here I come. I'd be worn ragged. And those fun little trips to Sally Beauty? The boys wouldn't really enjoy that. A little girl would have a blast with the make up parties, scrabble, trips to L.A., etc., etc. I would be so pinned down with younger children, and more limited on 'fun' with boys..." Now I know that's not all true. I do know. But I'm making this all okay for myself to become a mother suddenly of a pre-teen when I originally started this to have a baby of my own. Strange twists and turns, but thankfully, honestly, I was very open to whatever. As long as I get to be a mom, have a family.

Here's pics of my current family. Enjoy!

New Poop

I go hot pink tomorrow, Candace & Marcy. :) I scheduled a trim and pink tendrils. To go with my hot bubble-gum pink toenails. Yay! And here's why...

I gave an official "yes" to CPS and my agency that I am interested in the 11-year-old girl! And/BUT there's a court hearing early next month where a judge will determine whether or not she will be moved from her current placement. The workers want her moved, feeling that the current foster mom isn't doing all she should for the girl - such as getting her to counseling appointments. The lady has also gone back and forth on whether or not she wants to adopt the girl. So it's time to move her. But the judge could decide that she's moved enough already (7 placements since she went into care in 2004!). Although the workers think that if she's not moved now it's just delaying the inevitable.

So it'll be another month before I know whether or not I'm going to be mothering a pre-teen girl. And if the answer is yes, will the current foster mom work with us on a good transition, or will she just say "fine, just take her now," which wouldn't probably be in the child's best interest. So there's a lot I still dunno and won't know for awhile. ...but WOW! I will know in a few weeks. And we all know how both quickly and slowly a month can pass...

So that's my scoop! I suppose I will be changing the name of my blog soon... Maybe I'll hold a naming contest!! I do think that I'll want to adopt a second kiddo in the next 2-3 years, after my first has time to fully adjust. So exciting!!

Goodnight, Moon

Woo! Where have I been? Around. Working mostly. A little down. A little up. It's all going okay, though. Really.

Had a quarterly visit from my adoption specialist today. It went fine, and forced me to do a little extra house cleaning. She told me about an 11-year-old girl that may need a new placement soon. Sounded like a good possibility, and she sounds like a good kid. I told her I'd consider it. Hopefully I'll hear in a couple weeks. And for whatever reason, there are just not a lot of kids free and clear for adoption getting presented by Child Protective Services lately. I want to complain -- maybe even threaten to find a new agency... Maybe what I should do is find some other adoptive hopeful families and compare notes.

It's been a stormy night with rain, lightning and thunder - and even a couple of brief power outages. Kobi-dog hates storms. He sat with his head under my thigh through most of it. Poor guy. It's quieted down now, and so has he. Unfortunately, the clouds were heavy during the majority of the lunar eclipse, so essentially missed that. Oh, well. Next one is December 2010! Something "else" to look forward to.

Thinking I'll change my green tendrils for hot pink soon. Or maybe blue. But probably pink... Votes?

New do

I got my hair cut a couple nights ago. I'd decided I wanted something COMPLETELY different. Last Friday night I walked into a salon and looked at their hair magazines. Picked something and said, "can you do this? do you think it will look good on me??" Both confirmed, I made the appointment. I tried to get her to cut it shorter in the back, but she didn't want it to look like a wedge. So it ended up like this:

and it was cute (the long front tendrils are GREEN! can you tell?), but I thought the back was too long. It looked a little boxy, so I went back in today...

and I like it a lot better!!

Still green tendrils. But a little more sporty and dramatic.

I plan on blaming a mid-life crisis...

Cuteness wins!

I have got THE CUTEST NIECES EVER!! Check out these pixies...


M*m*, 2.75 years


L*x*, 10.2 years

And I just love 'em to pieces!!!


And because I just gotta keep relivin' the moment... me at the finish line of the marathon. Slow but happy!

Juno it's about time.... UPDATED

I'm still basking in the glow of my success and running prowess.... Heh! Except for the sometimes excruciating pain in my left foot. I hope I didn't fracture a bone. I have incredibly flat feet (they make suction cup farty noises if I walk barefoot across a damp hard surface), and wear arch supports in my athletic shoes. Not ideal for running long distances. If the pain keeps up, I'll go in for an x-ray or check with my podiatrist.

Last Saturday I got a call from the two little boys' court-appointed advocate. He wanted to check in with me, ask me some questions, and let me know that the "team" will be deciding on a permanent home for the boys on Tuesday (tomorrow!). These are the two little boys ages 3 and 4 who were meth babies. I am one of 8 families being considered. And one of the families is the foster mother (or foster parents, not sure). I want to take it as a really good sign that I was notified about the boys on my birthday, and that his call happened the same day I went and saw the movie "Juno"--I went to the early show and got his call in the afternoon. "Juno," if you haven't heard about it or seen it, is about a teenage girl who gets pregnant, decides to have the baby and picks a couple to adopt the child. The fact that it's smart and sassy and has some terrific lines, albeit somewhat over the top and unlikely, is beside the point. SPOILER ALERT! STOP NOW - SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH! The fact that she picks a couple that later breaks up and she still chooses the wife to be a single mother to her baby is where the rubber meets the road in my connecting the call to the movie.

Needless to say, I'm obsessing about the boys, whether or not it will be a good match, whether or not I'll even be chosen, how likely or not is it that I'll be chosen given the odds, what does it mean that he called me, and when he asked if the case worker or anyone else had called me yet and they hadn't, does that mean the others aren't considering me? Okay, yeah. Since I'd prefer not to be disappointed, I think I'll go with: "It's unlikely that I will be chosen, but I'm glad I've been considered... I have to trust that the caseworker, child advocate, and whoever else is making the decision are best positioned to choose a good match. I will be happy for the boys whatever the outcome. A good match will happen for me eventually."

I should know by Wednesday. And you'll be the 4th to know once I hear. (First being my mom, 2nd sister, and 3rd R...)

TUESDAY NIGHT UPDATE: I still don't know, but I'm assuming it's a no go for me. I found the kiddos foster mom's website - just a little google action and what do you know!? The family has 7 kids, and the two little ones have a biological baby sister. Sheesh... I'd hate to break them up. I think the foster family probably got them, but I should know that for certain tomorrow. ALSO found out that the younger of the two is a GIRL! not a boy. She's absolutely beautiful - they both are. Little blond darlings. Anywho. I will post again when I know for sure, for sure.

WEDNESDAY MORNING UPDATE: I was not chosen. ...maybe next time... This is a very frustrating process. From now on, if the foster family are in the mix of families "vying" for a child or children, I'm going to just assume they will likely get the placement. And I will need to further consider becoming a foster-to-adopt parent. Basically I just need to shell out some money for home repairs to the home I rent (yes, unfair) so it would pass inspection for a foster care license. Alright. I'm running late... Thanks all for your well wishes!

I did it!

Butt slings and birthday parties

The timing must mean something, right? At least I hope so...

Last Friday was my birthday - #44!! - and my adoption worker called me. It's been weeks since I'd heard anything from her. She told me about a pair of young brothers - 3 and 4 - that were legally free and ready for adoption! She wanted to know if she should forward my homestudy to their caseworker... DUH! Yes, please!!

They are not problem free, though. Meth babies. And the older will have permanent handicaps due, most likely, to the drugs. The younger is bright and on track developmentally. I will need a lot more information before I make a final decision - that is if I even get that opportunity. We'll see what the caseworker says. But I'm very excited that SOMETHING has happened. I'm so ready!

My birthday was great. Had a lovely dinner and dessert with friends and went to an art opening for one of them. I still need to put air in my new bike's tires so I can enjoy the "gift" from my folks. Funny thing - I only got two birthday cards and they were both from friends I had dinner with. I did get the requisite phone calls from my sister and her girls singing Happy Birthday - it was SO CUTE!! I could totally pick out each of their voices, and the 2.5-year-old was singing with mucho gusto! Also singing calls from my best friend and my mom. It was a really good day.

Since then, my best friend and I have been going to the gym on a freebie week long membership. It's been a blast. This helps me keep up with the gains I made working out for two weeks in Seattle courtesy of my sister. Let's hear it for cardio equipment and weight machines... YAY!! I'm SUPPOSE to run a marathon this next Sunday. Not sure... my "ass" gave out at 10 miles today. I have some very tight tendons and muscles that have been aggravated for more than a month. I'm going to make a concerted effort to stretch this week. Will be interesting. I'm a little afraid I either won't finish or won't finish in time (which is the same thing, because they'll pick you up and shuttle you if you're not done in time...). But I will give it a shot. Wish me luck!!

Tra-la-la

Oh, my goodness gracious!! I can't believe it's been more than a month since I posted and two weeks since I checked my dear friends' blogs! There's lots of happiness to ring in the New Year with (Marcy, Tracey, RaJen), and there are good times to come for the rest of us. I'm wishing ALL the brightest of futures and a wonderful year!!

I had a lovely Christmas break with family and friends. I stayed at my sister's north of Seattle with my two lovely nieces and parents. My sister bought me a two week pass to her gym, and I took full advantage of it. I also visited a couple friends in Portland, my grandparents in central Oregon, and my cousin and his partner in Seattle. I didn't work or check email for two full weeks! It was so fabulous... Of course now I'm trying to crack through 500 plus emails, but doing a decent job of it.

I have heard absolutely nothing about my adopting kiddos. I had been contacted about one little boy, but it wasn't a good fit. Nothing since. And none of my inquiries have panned out as of yet. But it's a new year, and good things are gonna happen!

Can't believe how boring I am. I'll make a resolution to be more interesting and funny... starting tomorrow.