What's in a Mom?

Feeling better!! Not sure why, but I'll take it! The fog is lifting, and I'm looking forward to a big, beautiful BFP this weekend! Been having some very different and strange little twinges in my uterus today. Probably means nothing, but I don't remember feeling this before. Maybe baby? Maybe a horrible uterine infection caused by the HSG? Maybe my only symptoms post alien probe?? I'm hoping for a baby...

I've been reading books. Not just any books, but books related to this whole fun and wonderful past-time of trying to conceive as a single or older woman. I just finished But I Don't Feel Too Old to Be a Mommy! and am now reading Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide. I also have, and am looking forward to reading Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood. I recently joined the national SMC organization, but haven't had a chance to contact the local group and get involved yet. That's a goal, though. I'd heard by another SMC in Phoenix (currently pregnant with triplets!) that it was a very good, supportive group here, so I'm looking forward to joining up with them. Heavens knows it would be good to find some women to share sitters with, hang out, etc.

But I'm terrified, too. Yeah, that old friend, Panic. What if I am pregnant! Oh, shit!! This is all a huge mistake! But I breathe deep and figure out that it's okay. I'm okay. It'll all be okay. BOY, I hope I don't just wake up one day and decide this was the worst idea I'd ever had... These books are suppose to make me more knowledgeable and calm my fears! But they're making me think!!

Okay, friends. You don't have to reassure me. We've been through this before... Just ignore me. I really have talked myself back down and I'm good to go. And really excited to be pregnant! (oh please oh please oh please oh please!)

I'm not planning to test until Saturday, 12 DPO. Then I'll test every day until I either get a BFP or AF shows. But I am SET!

On a side note, I think I'm flying to Boston on the 20th of March! My first trip to the East Coast!! Likely the trip will be short - like maybe overnight. And it's not for the greatest reason - my mom has precancerous cysts on her pancreas. But it's possible that she will get an experimental treatment that will hopefully cure her and save her from having her entire pancreas removed and becoming an automatic diabetic. We're quite hopeful, but still have a lot of unanswered questions and concerns.

My mom is an AMAZING woman!! Incredibly strong and positive. Decides never to worry about something until she's certain there's something to worry about. She rarely disappoints--and maybe it's because of that that in the rarest of instances that she does disappoint it's so glaring... poor dear. She's so close to perfect I forget she's fallible like the rest of us. And I just love her like crazy!! So there.