I have an inny, but I'm outy... spotting now and expect to be ridin' the red wave in the next several hours. On to cycle #5. I read the average # of tries is 6, so I've got a couple to go to be average. And being in my 40s, I expect to be a little above average. I'd really like it to be sooner than later, though, you know?
I commented on someone else's blog today that I actually felt a little relief at not being pregnant along with my sadness of the same situation. I have been reading those books about what's to come, and along with being very informative, they're pretty scary and eye-opening. I mean, I know it'll be tough. I know it'll be lonely. I know it will be the biggest challenge I've ever faced. I also know it will be the most rewarding and life-changing thing I'll ever do. Yep. I've been contemplating this for a couple years, and really seriously considering for over a year. Charting for eight months. Trying for four cycles. Not sure I'm completely comfortable with feeling relief about not being pregnant this far into it. And I fully intend to try again. And I fully intend to hope I'm pregnant as I did this past cycle. And, I guess, I hope my feelings at the end of the next cycle, whether pregnant or not, make more sense to me--leave me feeling more confident that this is still the right decision for me. I know it is. But crap!
More pixies!
Kobi wanted to go to bed early the other night... (he goes to my bedroom door and starts barking)
Here he is laid out, sweet puppy.
He's telling me "Enough John Stewart! Let's go to bed!!"
And completely off-topic... Kobi's favorite artwork. My friend Indigo Verton, who runs The Red Door gallery in Phoenix, did a show of these fabulous photos of wigs, black and whites that she colorized. I have these hanging in Kobi's boudoir.
4 comments:
Sorry you're out for this cycle. It sucks but I also understand what you mean about being afraid. I get that sometimes too as it's such a huge life altering decision and once it's done, it's not like you can change it. I think though that we wouldn't be normal if we never had any doubts.
Dang! I'm rooting for you girl. And even as a mama who's not going it alone I can assure you that you should BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID! I'd be worried for you if you WEREN'T afraid.
Kobi is so cute! Ready to go to bed lol.
I know what you mean wanting to be prego then a relief when you are not. Babies are way scary things. Wonderful and scary things LMAO
Good luck!
I am so sorry about this cycle.... I will be going on 7 tries this time so I guess I am starting on that above average swing! I sure hope though me and you, and all the other ladies, find our BFP soon.
I love the pic of Kobi... so cute!
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