It's totally wrong for me to complain, right? But my birthday had a sorta crappy ending...
Besides the beautiful ladies who read my blog, only my sister, Dad, Mom, a lady I work with in Tucson, and a guy I asked to never contact me again remembered my birthday and called or sent me emails.
Now I know why I plan my own birthday parties.
So after work, since I had nothing better to do, I went to a Bureau of Reclamation public meeting. Okay, more work. Then I took myself to dinner. Decided to go to this fabulous Mexican restaurant, Barrio Cafe. They now have valet parking and a waiting list. Joy. I thought about maybe going elsewhere--less of a hassle--but I've had a couple great meals there in the past. They only have one meat-free dinner, a mushroom enchilada, and a couple vegetarian-friendly ala carte items. I've had the enchiladas before and loved them, so ordered again. And a side spinach salad. The salad was incredible. The enchiladas looked delectable. But I took one bite. Sticky. Salty. I took a bite from another side of the dish and thought I would gag. (I wonder if it was really that bad? Or maybe it was my cold or the progesterone fake preggo symptoms...)
I sent it back and got these tiny little boring mini quesadillas instead. Disappointing, but edible. Bleh. It WAS the first time I ever sent a meal back! So that was something. But I still paid too much for a less than satisfying meal that left me nauseous.
Then I talked to my mom on the phone. You know how every once in awhile you talk to someone and the conversation is just screwed up? At one point my mom said something to the effect that I would only be trying to TTC for a couple more months and then, apparently failing, could get back to my life. That's not completely the story, and she was laughing and being silly. But it really struck me as kinda cruel and careless. I took it as though she doesn't support me in this after all. And it hurt. I asked her if she was drunk. (Was that mean?) But when I think back a couple hours later, it's possible she was just in a silly mood and was being playful and it just came off completely wrong.
But in the meantime I was really sad. I cried when I got home. And then I went to the bathroom, and AF was there. See? Crappy.
Normally I would've just complained to a close friend, but my close friend forgot my birthday and made plans with her parents instead. So I'm here, agonizing over whether or not to complain in my blog. Especially because someone I love, like my friend or my mom, might read this and know I was sad and hurt. (But then again, if they read it, they'd know it was my birthday and how much I want to have a baby.)
It's not my birthday anymore. And I'm no longer upset. I just wish the day went a little different.
9 comments:
Hey Sweetie! I TOTALLY understand what you are saying about Mom. My mom after try # 4 made a silly comment that annoyed me.. I didnt ask her if she was drunk (that was hilarious) but I did ask her if she left her brain at the door. We talked.. she didnt mean to be hurtful.. she was just more concerned about how not succeeding was affecting me. My mother is my 2nd biggest supporter (my sister being #1) and everyone says stupid things sometimes ... I May have even once in my life ;-) LOL.. Anyhoop... Keep your chin up and keep trying and always remember that it WILL happen. You have a a great outlook on this whole thing.. I love seeing that in your posts. Having that outlook is going to ensure that this process doesnt eat you alive. BIG HUGS~
T :-)
AW Chel, Im so sorry that your day didn't go so well. I can understand how you feel though, my mom says stupid stuff like that all the time! Sometimes I think its her way of HELPING me to not get my hopes up! It never goes as she plans though. As for your birthday goes, this just shows you who really cares about you ( or who has a really good memory, its hard to tell sometimes) You always have next year to make it up. Thats the nice thing about birthdays, theres most likely going to be another one!
Stupid AF, why doesn't she get a clue and know that she is not wanted-!! keep trying, you'll get there.
Hey girl! Ive mostly been a "lurker" these days. Wanted to check in with you anyhow and say hi. ((((((waving)))) HI!! Im sorry your birthday was so.... "crappy". They just arent as wonderful as when we were kids eh? :) Im sorry you got a BFN. It is so horribly frustrating. I still vote you get the CD3 bloodwork. It really eased my mind. Ive been on hold for the past month and may wait yet another untill I get the Prometrium and Clomid going. My doc upset me yesterday and I am searching for a new one currently. Hoping to land an appt today. How is your beautiful furbaby? I will continue to think of you and read your blog. This my first blog experience. I never find enough time to look at any of them. :( Good luck next cycle and please do keep in touch. Cherri
I'm sorry you had a crappy day. I was so hoping it would be a great one. It kind of sucks when those you care about forget your birthday, or when those you don't care about remember. I like the idea of planning your own birthday party though. That's good.
T - I wanted to talk to my mom, but she immediately put the phone on speaker so the girls could all sing "Happy Birthday" to me. I did later say, "You know, I may be trying this for more than a couple more months..." She said she knew, she was just being silly, then quickly changed the subject. I'm sure there were good intentions in there somewhere, or at least not ill intentions. It was just such a capper, you know?
Cher-Kobi's beautiful. He sees the oncologist again next week. The herbs were affecting his digestion, so I'm not sure if we'll restart those or try some other diet protocol.
Thanks all for letting me cry on your shoulders!
I am so sorry Chelle... your outlook on life is amazing though and I am sure one day you will be blessed with a little one... please pamper yourself and try to ignore others comments... I know they can be very hurtful sometimes. Take care of yourself and give Kobi a squeeze.
Hey Chelle,
Sorry your birthday wasn't such a celebration. Like the other gals have said though, you are strong and positive and that will keep you going even in the midst of people with their big foot in their mouths and crappy enchiladas! Funny, while you were at Barrio, I was home about a mile away! That's a shame they weren't up to par on your special day! Hang in there girl!
*hug*
I'm so sorry. What a tremendously unhappy way to round out your birthday. You're usually so positive that your mom probably never thought you'd be upset by her comments, but that doesn't really excuse them. If I were you, I'd remind her of her emotions when she was in early pregnancy. Being on meds, your emotional state will be very similar, with the added bonus of a major dose of uncertainty. Once she realizes this, she ought to knock it off with any sarcasm and/or mock-negative comments.
We're all pulling for you!
I am so sorry :-(
I hope next year is much better for you and that you will have a baby in your arms
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